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Mediation tomorrow - advice please?

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Dawn58 posted 10/29/2013 07:51 AM

Hi all,

I have my first mediation meeting tomorrow. I don't think much will be resolved since he has not been forthcoming with all the financial stuff. I need to see the full story before I feel comfortable doing any sort of negotiations. Both the forensic accountant and my attorney wanted to postpone this until December, but his fancy pants attorney said no.

I don't know what to expect from his attorney. I don't know what to expect from my attorney either - don't feel real confident in him.

One of my fears is running into my soon to be ex. I don't want to see him or run into him. I don't want him to come up to me to say "Hi". I have not seen him since April. I have been told that we will have separate rooms, so that's good. If he comes up to me, I don't know what to do, outside of just walk away. Any ideas?

I am also afraid of getting hit from left field on something, I have been having so many memories of Dday the last few weeks, seeing the stone cold poker face he had when I confronted him on the affair and telling me to get out. I guess I have some fear that he will kick me out again (I have been living at what was going to be our retirement house), afraid that he and his attorney are going to try to bully and intimidate me.

I just have to stick to my guns, do what is best for me and my future. It's so hard not to let my emotions get the best of me.

I know that a year from now, I will be in such a better place. I am in a better place than I was 11 months ago. So much better!

Just get lonely at times....but I am learning to embrace my freedom.

twinkie posted 10/29/2013 08:06 AM

You will be in separate rooms and the mediator will go back and forth. As far as seeing him. That is a possibility. But you can hold your head up high and know you are on the high road and just walk right by him or you can punch him in the throat! I went for walking right past mine he simply was not worth me having to go to jail.

You do not have to accept anything today. The mediator will explain everything to you. They will have to produce all of the necessary documents needed to reach a settlement. Good luck!

tryingagain74 posted 10/29/2013 08:12 AM

See my post below-- be as specific in the legal language as possible so that your STBX doesn't try to manipulate the agreement to his best interests later.

Sending you strength; I hope that all goes well.

Must Survive posted 10/29/2013 08:22 AM


I am in the same state as you.

My experience:
The mediators did not explain anything to me at all. It was all my lawyer.

Yes we started in separate rooms, but then my (idiot) lawyer said we were so close he brought the enemy into the same room as me. Be sure you TELL your lawyer you do not want to be in same room. I did, and my lawyer still did want he wanted.

The mediators are in a hurry to get everything done, ASAP. You get towards noon and they want to be done. They will rush you. My situation was terrible. If you come to a settlement, READ the settlement before you sign. What they don't tell you is that this is the AGREEMENT. And it is handwritten, and no revisions after you sign. I don't care if it takes you an hour, and they are complaining that they will have to pay overtime to the court clerk, do not sign until you read understand and agree with it.

Remember, the mediators are nothing but other lawyers with their mediator hats on. They are nothing special.

Everyone wants to get done, so that they can get the next mediation through.

Good luck. You can do it. Just be sure to vocalize what you want!

dmari posted 10/29/2013 11:11 AM

Dawn58 ~ I don't have any mediation advice but I wanted to send you some hugs! Your stbx is a controlling bully and will try to intimidate you. Stay strong and centered. You ARE in a better place then you were a year ago!! Can you imagine a year from now?? Yeehaw! This is YOUR life so don't rush anything. Take a lot of deep breaths. If you can, do something for you today ~ massage, manicure, therapy session.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts tomorrow!!

Nature_Girl posted 10/29/2013 11:24 AM

Yes, insist on separate rooms and don't back down on that point.

Don't let them rush you.

Don't agree to anything, ANYTHING, that you don't like or want to be permanent.

Since you don't have the financial discovery yet, don't agree to a single financial item. Not one. You make sure you know the financial part before you go there.

If he approaches you in the hallway just turn & walk away. Feel free to show him the hand and firmly tell him to back off.

Dawn58 posted 10/29/2013 19:21 PM

Mediation was cancelled, yes!! The mediator is having emergency surgery tomorrow, so it has been postponed. I know this is just a temporary reprieve, but gives my attorneys more time to get my case together.

Thanks for your support

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