Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Hyper vigilance re Ow

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Marathonwaseasy posted 10/29/2013 08:17 AM

I see her everywhere. Expect to see her every time I get home or go anywhere. Even at my work which is insane. She hasn't been in touch. I threatened that I would inform on her as she's cheating on her benefits regarding her children which might well be keeping her away. I do not suspect fwh of seeing her.
But I'm constantly on edge
Is this normal? What can I do?

MrsDoubtfire posted 10/29/2013 08:29 AM

If you're fresh from Dday then this is normal. I used to 'see' people who reminded me of ow almost minute to minute!

It is frustrating and upsetting and you DO look out for them initially. Hopefully this will lessen.

I never look out for ow any more.

cantaccept posted 10/29/2013 09:17 AM

I just realized yesterday that I am doing this also.

We live very close by and in my mind I think it is inevitable that it will happen.

I went to the mall yesterday, across the street from where she works. The only mall that is local. I was having anxiety and feelings of being on guard. I have been avoiding going out alone, now I realize why.

In a way I wish it would just happen to get it over with.

I also realized that every time I do leave the house now, for work, to go to the grocery store, anything, I don't just go as I am.

I check the hair, check the make-up, check the clothes. It pisses me off. I was never like this before. If I was working in the yard or painting, whatever, if I needed to run to the store, I just went, I didn't think about how I looked. Now, I can't go get the mail.

It feels shallow, vain, it bugs me that I care.

In the scheme of things that part is minor. The biggest issue that I see is not letting this limit my life. That is what I am allowing. I am letting my fear of that meeting, viewing, prevent me from living fully. I think I fear my reaction more than anything, I do not want to turn into a quivering mass of fear. I do not want my pain visible to her. Maybe to play it out in my head, prepare, rehears what to do will take away the anxiety.

Anyway, you're not alone.

Marathonwaseasy posted 10/29/2013 09:31 AM

Good to know I'm not alone
Although I wouldn't wish this on anyone
I'm not dressing up or checking how I look though. I always look better than her anyway and I know I'm much much better at heart and although R was my choice fwh has also chosen me over her. Not, as she believes the children over her.
I too almost want to see her to get it over with.
And I have rehearsed it a million times
I reckon if nothing has happened by Christmas she might send him a card - that's what you do when you're in lurve and you're about 15 (51 going on 15)
I will need SI advice if that does happen but fwh wants to go to her with the card ripped up and hand it back and remind her that such contact would lead to an injunction against her and we would be going to our lawyer. Hmmmm.
We will see
Ok, onwards - an afternoon at work listening to people moan about naff all awaits

Healing2012 posted 10/29/2013 10:07 AM

I used to expect to see her places. I would work myself into a panic that she would be at my front door when I got home from work. I'd even panic that she would be in the car with my WH when he came by the house to get something. Even weirder, I would feel panicky checking my maybe she would have sent me something - tell me my WH was still with her or still in love with her.

That has almost completely gone away. I check email with no issues. I don't expect to see her everywhere I go.

It gets better, but it does take time. What you're feeling is normal, so my only advice is to try to ride it out. Know that it's normal and that those feelings will lessen over time. The more I fought it, the harder it was.

Hang in there...

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy