Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: Tigress5455 (45753)

User Topic: Job hunting - Several questions - long
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last week I drove around dropping off resumes. Some places were hiring and other were not.

The first place I dropped off my application, resume, reference letter was for a pet store. The job is controller/office manager. I was hoping that working in the office would be all right and I would, for the most part, be separated from pets. This is a big concern because of my allergies. There was nothing listed in the posting about office staff bringing in their dogs (I have a severe dog allergy). The same store posted another position after I had applied for the office manager position and in that posting is where they listed that they can have three dogs in the office at one time. That would spell certain death for me. So, long story short, this job is already a no-go for me.

So, to my questions...

Another job I applied for is an office manager job for a nursing home. I applied online. Then I called to follow up because I never know if electronic job apps ever really get picked up. I left a message with someone in payroll and they never returned my call. While I was out last week I also dropped off a resume to the nursing home.

Here are some questions.

1. How many times should I contact the nursing home before I make a nuisance of myself? I want to show interest, but I don't want to piss anyone off.

2. I've been an office manager before, but not for a nursing home. If I'm asked "how would your previous employment (office manager job and/or insurance jobs)qualify you for this position? Does this sound like a good answer? "I feel I am qualified for this position because I have experience running an office with a staff of approximately ten employees, and my experience within the insurance industry will help me to understand the needs of the residents and their families to ensure the proper processing of their insurance claims and to be able to help resolve any issues that may arise." What do you think?

3. I applied for two positions at my husband's old company that had laid him off. They are telecommute positions which would be awesome for me and balancing work and my two kids. Should I ask if they have any policies about spouses working for the same company, regardless if they are still there. Or, could his record be reviewed (I don't know the truth about the reason why he was laid off) when determining my employment? I don't want them to think I have the same work ethic (or lack thereof) because we have the same last name.

4. (Trying to keep this out of the general forum) There is a position in my husband's new company that I know I could do, but I don't want to apply to it because he's there. I am a bit upset that he didn't tell me about this job because he knows how long I've been looking and he's quick to help his friends find work, but he won't do anything to help me. Would you want to work for the same company if you were in my shoes?

Thank you so much for your help and advice. It's been a pretty shitty day today and I just want to find a job.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
♀ 33338
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking just to the nursing home job.

If the job advertised is bookkeeping/billing office manager be aware that long term care billing is extremely complicated and specialized. Dealing with Medicare can be a super-frustrating experience that seems to have been devised by Satan himself. The person I work with has been doing her job since 2009 and I still hear from her on a weekly basis, "I don't understand that part. No one has ever really explained that to me."

Now, she is a special case and was moved into that position when the previous manager left. But if the nursing home has had applicants with previous LTC and/or Medicare experience, they are probably not going to interview someone without that specific experience. I think your answer is perfect, but just be aware it still may not be enough.

I'm sorry that I don't have something more positive to offer. I just know this field very, very well.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2886 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I've learned after job hunting for a year now? Contacting the employer who has an online application process is guaranteed to not get you the job.

I've learned that employers do NOT follow up to let you know that you won't be considered for a job at all.

I've learned that that even if you get an interview & follow-up with a thank you for the interview letter, employers won't contact you to tell you that you won't be getting the job.

I've learned that employers don't even read your friggin' resume. Your resume is simply scanned by some online software, and if enough keywords "hit" then you might get a phone call to come in for an interview, but again, you'll be sitting across from someone who hasn't read your resume and is fully unprepared to talk to you.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10032 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HF, when I applied for the job I was concerned that it might be a stretch, but I didn't want to rule it out anyway. Everything you said has already been flying around my head. I'm just trying to hold on to some hope.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your resume is simply scanned by some online software, and if enough keywords "hit" then you might get a phone call to come in for an interview

This is why I called and dropped off my resume. I want to try and get it in front of someone. I just hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
♀ 40852
Member # 40852
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as how many times, first make sure you are in fact contacting the correct person to show interest. Where I work, all our applications go through HR. Contacting HR with your interest will get you pretty much no where because they aren't doing the hiring for the positions. As far as how many times before you're a nuisance, if you are contacting the correct person, I would only contact them once.

As far as question 3, depending on his company, those policies should be posted online. For instance, where I work spouses can work together, but paperwork has to be filed, they can't directly supervise the other one, there are a lot of rules. We wouldn't look at a spouse's employment record to determine anything about the other spouse.

In regards to 4, I wouldn't want to work in the same company as my husband regardless of whether he told me about the job or not. I'm hesitant to have us have so much of our lives overlap - work, home, commute, etc. I did tell him about a few positions when he was unemployed, but they would have been far far from me on our campus to where it would have been more like working for separate entities.

Me: BS
Him: WH ONS/short EA
Married 11 years
Together 15 years
2 children

Posts: 64 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Searching for a job sucks. You have to learn to not take it personally. Before I left my last job, we advertised for a receptionist position. We got over 1100 applicants. For an entry level office job that pays crap. I have no idea what criteria the branch manager used to narrow it down for who to call for interviews, but at most 10 people got interviewed. The rest never heard back because it would have been way too time consuming.

Oh, and dropping of an app or resume for a position that says to apply online - annoying as hell for the other office workers and likely to get you at the bottom of the pile. I know that seems rude but it's an indication that you can't follow instructions.

Sorry to be such a downer.

[This message edited by inconnu at 12:12 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12172 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you tailor your resumes to the jobs you're applying for? I had an efile of resumes that I'd tweak for most jobs; some, like general office manager, I could use the canned version.

Have you thought of registering for with a temp agency? There are a lot of stinkers, but there are a few gems. Look for an independent rather than one of the big, nationwide firms. I got a lead on a potential job (for which I'm still in the running--just hedging my bets ) from a temp agency in another town-not too far away. I told them I only wanted a temp-to-hire or permanent placement, though. The woman was very sweet and worked really hard to find something for me, then advocated for me during the hiring process. Unfortunately, the company dragged their feet too long, so I took my current position.

Something to think about.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20456 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
♂ 23328
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. The job market being what it is, there can be hundreds of applicants for even entry-level jobs.

2. HR departments, contrary to what they would have you believe, exist for 2 purposes. A) Prevent your resume from being considered for the position, and B) legally protect the company and management from the employees.

3. Networking is the single best way to get a job. It often allows you to get around the HR roadblocks. Managers are hungry to get motivated, energetic people. HR departments are motivated to pass on only candidates who meet some (usually arbitrary) standards and qualifications, often keyword based.

To network, use the tools you can. Friends, friends of friends, former schoolmates, former coworkers, random people at the checkout line. If you've done volunteer work, reach out to the people you worked with and worked for.

Someone you know probably knows someone who has an inside track.

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5203 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
♀ 31758
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


As an HR director, I would give you this advice,

1) do not contact them again. You've done as much as you can and now it is up to fate. You may not have killed your chance with the drop off, it is hard to say. Some HR people are annoyed and think it means you can't follow directions and some think it shows interest/initiative. There is nothing you can do about it now.

2) Your answer is pretty good considering you do not have Medicare experience. Since it can be so complicated and frustrating, maybe say something about diligence, organization, ability to catch on to details, etc. Also you are going to have to say how much you love the elderly.

3) I would not mention your ex at all. Don't even mention him! If they bring him up, then simply say "he and I are nothing alike - that's why we are divorced!" I'd be shocked if they do - it would be very unprofessional.

4) If you do not interact with your ex then I see no reason why you can't apply for the other job. If you would be seeing him or working near him then I would not.

Good Luck!!!

I would second the temping recommendation and also networking. Look for meet up groups that are business related and just go to some of them. You never know who you will meet who has a business who needs someone.

Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the advice. I truly appreciate it all.

About the nursing home job. It wasn't listed in the paper as "apply online only." If it was, I never would have gone in to drop of the resume. I found it on their corporate website and I wasn't sure if it went to an application "hub." I'm not going to contact them again. I'll wait and see what happens.

Spirit, I have a little experience with medicare. I wasn't something I worked with on a daily basis, but it did come across my desk every now and then.

We're not divorced...yet. Right now I'm just trying to find a job so I can proceed. But my fear is that no matter what job I land I still won't be able to move out, but that's a different thread for a different forum. Even though they shouldn't lump me in with my husband, could they do it anyway?

This is a smaller insurance company that he works for so there would be a good chance that I would see him every day. We used to work together (I helped him get his first office job with a major insurance company) before all this other stuff happened, but now that things have changed so much I'm not sure I would want to look at him every day.

I just want to find a job.

I'll look into that meetup site and see if there is anything I can find that way. I'm also on linkedin and have a number of resumes on other career sites.

This is a full time job in itself.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Dark Inertia
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you tried putting your resume on something like careerbuilder? I did, and I still get calls from headhunters about a potential job... But bear in mind I live in a city that currently has a very good job market. When I finally got sick to the point where I could not longer crawl out of bed to go to my job that I hated I took a month long leave of absence and hit the market like my life depended on it. It took 28 days for me to find my current job... Along the way I had 3 interviews which I thought I nailed, and I was declined.

By the time I went in to interview for my current job I was completely deflated and didn't really care whether or not I got that particular job. In all honesty I was going to skip out of the interview, but my fiancÚ talked me into going.... I only went because he said he would ride along with me, and then the poor guy spent the next 3 hours walking around outside the building and listening to music while I interviewed.

But I digress, point is I would get your resume out on the interwebz as much as possible. My experience is with careerbuilder, but I have heard positive results with monster as well. Craigslist is also a place to check out. Good luck!

"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1332 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Spirit said.

In addition, job portals are set up to capture key words having to do with your experience being a good match to the job description. If those words are missing in your application, you'll get bounced.

It's really important you tool each application/resume to the specific job (provided your experience is a true match) to help your chances.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21104 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck with the search! Take a break sometimes because you want to be mentally prepared if something crosses your path.

Network especially if you are actively looking. Try meetups or better yet while you have the time go to your kids events, network with parents, neighbors, church or other groups and simply say you are interested in returning to the work force, and temp until you find something with a company that interests you.

I would also contact any company you worked for before and let them know you are wanting to return. Look online and see if they have a potential job and then call to speak to someone in HR as a former employee to express interest. Network with old co-workers.

Depending on the type of position I would leave all personal topics like divorce off the table. Keep it simple and most places are discouraged from asking.

I wouldn't unless you live in a smaller town work in the same company as your soon to be ex. Unless it was a large company and if you are totally in a different area and building.I just wouldn't for lots of reasons.

Confidence - do things in your time off that boost your self esteem. Job searching is difficult but keep moving forward and something will work out.

Good luck!

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ 37439
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my partner and I lost pretty much EVERYTHING October 2012. We did a couple of online applications but it was a dead time of the year and the jobs I could get would be sales.

My partner and I badgered friends to no end. Then it was a chain reaction. One friend's sister offered us both jobs (I hated it quit after the first shift). Month and a half later my partner got angry with the job (we had gotten lazy) so we pepped back up and got really organised, wrote up a list of people who could offer us stuff. Until we reached the acquaintances there was no-one. We called the acquaintance and he was hired because of previous experience from the friend's sister job.

In the meantime I was pestering (melodramatically at times, lazy person) an industry contact for a really good high paying job when it was available. Fantastic pay now not as stable as we like so we still have the back up job from the acquaintance where he is moving up the food chain anyway.

My longwinded point is DO NOT GIVE UP. Write down everyone you know on paper in a park nice and relaxed. Start culling the people who you know won't help, Circle the ones who know a lot of other people and highlight the ones for immediate (that may be only two people). The longterm person will jump straight out at you (hopefully). I've heard that a huge proportion of jobs are underground -> not advertised. Work smart not hard! Do some temp work if you don't know any immediate job people.

Should (hopefully) take you up to six-eight months (if you are really unlucky) to get back on your feet.

Good luck!

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 39891
Member # 39891
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dont give up..I was a SAHM for 10 years. It was hard, but I did it. Its all.about networking. I struggled with the whole who do I network with other Mommies? But thats how I found the job. I started going to professional luncheons, chamber of commerce events and evening networking events. I created an LI profile. I used indeed and sorted by zip code. I applied online. If I knew someone thst worked for the company I would send them an email and ask if they would be willing to give my resume to the hiring manager. I even joined a job search work team My networking finally paid off. I found a job on indeed and had a friend who worked there, emailed my resume and asked her tk present to tbe hiring manager. Interviewed for one position..didnt get it got called about another position and ended up getting that position.

I really attribute my success on landing a job to finding a church with a job ministry. The ministry helped me by encouraging me to network, reviewed my resume, gave guidance and support and allowed me the opportuntity be around others of all levels who were looking as well.

You can do this..

Posts: 118 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is why I called and dropped off my resume. I want to try and get it in front of someone. I just hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot

As some have already said, yes, many places now use software. Look at the job description carefully, and try and tailor each resume with as many key words in to match the job description you are applying for.
Network. Not just people you know and randomly, but seek out opportunities. Church members are great. If you happen to know folks that sell Avon, MK, pampered chef, etc. Take any free classes offered at community colleges, hobby lobby, lowe's, home depot. MAKE new network contacts.
In my field, 90% of job hirings are from networking. They don't even see my resume first hand.
And, biggie, be NICE to everyone (well maybe not EX and whore) because you never know who the other person is. If someone cuts you off in the parking lot, say hey, smile, wave, say it's alright. He/she might be someobody in the know of a position! Best of luck!

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2501 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have a job service in your state? Some companies only list their openings with a job service.

Also, I would recommend checking with large employers, like colleges and hospitals and large clinics. Check their websites, if they have them, for employment listings. Some have an application process and you can fill one out and they keep it on file until they have openings. Don't forget any government employers, local or state or federal. They usually have their own processes, and often list on their websites only. Finally, consider some volunteering. Sometimes it can lead to a job, but it's also a terrific networking opportunity - you never know who you'll meet that way. Best of luck to you!!! Sending mojo!!!

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5336 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've tried so many avenues.

I have a LinkedIn account and I try to network that way. I also have my resume on careerbuilder, monster, Indeed, and SimplyHired. I tried to work with temp agencies. I gave them my resume we've had meetings and then nothing else happened passed that. I sent follow up call and emails. They would just tell me that they'll be in touch when something comes up.

I started a profile on I'm not sure if it's reliable or not so I didn't finish it. Has anyone heard of that site before?

I've applied to all the major health insurance companies, I keep watching the sites to the two major toy companies that have local offices. I'm trying, there's just not that much out there.

I've also applied to telecommute jobs thinking that would help widen my search area to the entire country and not just my local area.

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 10:08 AM, October 31st (Thursday)]

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Gah; it didn't work)

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:38 AM, October 31st (Thursday)]

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20456 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.