Hi,
I am sure most of you know my story, I was totally blindsided. I still wake up at 4am every morning thinking it is a nightmare I can wake up from.
I may have even asked this question before...and if I did, I am sorry, I still am in a bit of a fog, so please bear with me! One day I am so red hot mad I think I might burst into flames, other days I am sad, other days numb or confused, shocked or baffled.
Today I am baffled. I am back to "How the hell did something like this actually happen to me?to us?"
I read everyones posts, and I am wondering if there are lots of others who thought they were happily married and didn't know anything, suspect anything, or have history of infidelity or martial issues.
Every single person I know/we know is also totally shocked, horrified and baffled by my story. People thought we were one of the happiest married couples they knew, and that he was the last guy anyone would expect to cheat. He talked about me all the time, talked about how important family was, he was the "good guy." He told me he loved me. He would say things like "the grass isn't always greener" about others who he didn't think had any "gratitude" for what they did have in life. He acted mostly very peaceful and fulfilled.
Looking back there probably were signs I missed. If I was a suspicious person, I would have interpreted certain things differently, but I totally trusted him and really didn't think he was capable of such deception.
It is scary to think he was a total fraud. It is scary to think that maybe he planned it to be this horrific catastrophic event so I wouldn't ever want to try and reconcile, so it could be me that ended it. So he could run away and never have to answer any questions.
It is scary that he likely saw lawyers before he even confessed his A to me, so that if I did not agree to the OPEN MARRIAGE proposal or let him still have her, that then he would head straight to the divorce option.
I have no idea who this man is. I don't know if he was ever the guy I thought he was, or if he had some mid life crisis and snapped at some point. I don't know how to reconcile that I was with him for 15 years and then, in a flash, it is all changed and all over and I am not even sure what happened.
I haven't asked for a full explanation from him. In the beginning I did have questions and I got some half truths at some point and even that hurt like hell to hear. Then I went NC except for the kids stuff. NC saved me from myself.
I doubt he could or would be honest anyway, and I know everyone says I will never get closure from him, he won't ever "get it" but DAMN I am still so baffled. How does this shit happen outside of the Jerry Springer show??
Please tell me your stories...