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naivewife posted 10/29/2013 14:15 PM

My first positive post, I hope I don't regret this!

I just wanted to pass along a bit of positivity for all of those newer to having their hearts ripped apart and crapped on. It has been just over seven months since d-day and I feel pretty safe to say that I do feel some very real healing going on. And this is even after a nasty double d-day when WH took the A underground after I found out. The second d-day was WH confessing.
It has been the most torturous time of my life, nothing even comes close. I am not all better, but I am pleased to see where I am at now. I have been in IC and it has been very helpful for me to have that time set aside every week to sort through things. We have also been doing MC and of course, that's a necessary piece as well. I do not have a model WH but he is certainly trying hard, I can see, and is not far off from perfect. He's always been a good communicator for the most part, so this has been helpful. I can't imagine trying to do this with a WS that doesn't want to talk about it. We also had a very good marriage before the A, which is also a big plus (though can make things more frustrating and difficult in some ways trying to figure out how he could do this). But I also, in many ways, get it. WH was truly not in his right mind, and OW was a predator and took terrible advantage of his illness and our life situation. Those factors, I think, give me a little leg up perhaps. But still, it's not easy. It's still hard to not obsess over wanting to go back in time and somehow make things right. But I'm getting there, without a doubt, and I'm happy about that. Life is going on, in many ways, and going on happily. I do believe we will get through this as a family.

(Fingers crossed that I didn't just jinx myself!)

naivewife posted 10/29/2013 14:19 PM

I also wanted to mention that I know it's common to say or be told "give it 6 months and see where you're at." For whatever reason, at 6 months I was a total mess, in many ways, worse than ever. I hit this huge brick wall but once I made it over that hurdle I seem to be in a much better place. I notice that when I get into a really dark terrible place I come out of it stronger than where I was prior to the darkness, so don't give up hope and don't be too hard and fast on the 6 month rule. Those 4 extra weeks made a world of difference.

LosferWords posted 10/29/2013 15:58 PM

This is great, naivewife. Thanks for sharing the hope!