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User
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Topic: WS wants to apologize to friends? Good or bad idea? WS welcome
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LearnToLoveAgain
♀ 40950
Member # 40950 |  Posted: 2:20 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 |     |
My WS wants to apologize to friends who know about his ONS. We are in MC and he's taking all the right steps by me but this topic came up. I'm on the fence about it. I think its good because this doesn't define a person IMO but the response could be scary. Any WS do this?
Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.
Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.
Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013 |
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654 | | Posted: 2:29 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
My WS did apoligize to my BFF who is the wife of his BFF becuase he knew how mad she was at him. Then he turned around and did it again. They found out he was still a liar. Him and his BFF have now parted ways, but I am still friends with them.
BW-52
STBXWH#2-53
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
No kids together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 False R
DD#4-11/28/14 "Assault with a deadly weapon" and is now with OW
Divorce filed 1/5/15
Posts: 3263 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas |
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349 | | Posted: 2:32 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
My FWH did that while I was out of town. He emailed everyone - EVERYONE.
On the one hand I appreciated the gesture, but on the other hand there was an air of nuclear fallout from a lot of our friends. I'd think hard about exactly who you want to know - once it's out there there's no taking it back.
As for scary - the response was anything but. Confusion, some anger, compassion, or crikets. That's what we got.
"All the wars, all the hatred, all the ignorance in the world come out of being so invested in our opinions. And at bottom, those opinions are merely our efforts to escape the underlying uneasiness of being human. - Pema Chodron
Posts: 20818 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California |
Lostinthismess
♀ 39210
Member # 39210 | | Posted: 2:37 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
My fwh apologized to my two friends that knew. One was expecting an apology which I think is a bit much, but whatever, she got it. Why do you think the response would be scary? They already know he cheated. Most people wouldn't get ugly with an apology, and to anyone that harbors ill will to him, it could soften them a little.
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
Posts: 343 | Registered: May 2013 |
Lovedyoumore
♀ 35593
Member # 35593 | | Posted: 2:42 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
I would say it depends on motive. Is it still about him? Does he need the attention? Is it a need to put himself into a role of contrite H to look better to them? What does MC think?
If it will help YOU heal and the marriage heal then maybe. I think it deserves discernment and open communication between the two of you to make a joint decision.
Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
Posts: 1761 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart |
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ 40950
Member # 40950 | | Posted: 3:23 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
It's not all about him wanting control or anything. He's remorseful for what he did and that he hurt me and in a way hurt friends.
Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.
Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.
Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013 |
OldCow18
♀ 39670
Member # 39670 | | Posted: 3:49 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
Wh apologized to my 3 oldest and closest friends that I confided in. I believe his motivation as remorse and embarrassment at what he'd done. That was about 2 weeks after d-day.
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13
Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013 |
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ 40950
Member # 40950 | | Posted: 4:14 PM, October 29th (Tuesday), 2013 | |
It would only be to my 2 closes friends who know and the persons house it was at. It's just a weird position to be in. The friends house it happened to doesn't talk to the OW anymore she said "someone who was told multiple times a person was married and then lied to her friend (me) was not someone she wanted to be around" she's been a big support to me and my WH so I think she deserves an apology. Plus it's hard for me cause this has put a strain on my friendships ( support etc) we dknt think this will just "smooth things over" or anything. But atleast know that this doesn't define us him or our marriage. He recognizes he did wrong and is remorseful.
Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.
Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.
Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013 |
| Topic Posts: 8 | |
