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LearnToLoveAgain posted 10/29/2013 14:20 PM

My WS wants to apologize to friends who know about his ONS. We are in MC and he's taking all the right steps by me but this topic came up. I'm on the fence about it. I think its good because this doesn't define a person IMO but the response could be scary. Any WS do this?

TrustGone posted 10/29/2013 14:29 PM

My WS did apoligize to my BFF who is the wife of his BFF becuase he knew how mad she was at him. Then he turned around and did it again. They found out he was still a liar. Him and his BFF have now parted ways, but I am still friends with them.

Jrazz posted 10/29/2013 14:32 PM

My FWH did that while I was out of town. He emailed everyone - EVERYONE.

On the one hand I appreciated the gesture, but on the other hand there was an air of nuclear fallout from a lot of our friends. I'd think hard about exactly who you want to know - once it's out there there's no taking it back.

As for scary - the response was anything but. Confusion, some anger, compassion, or crikets. That's what we got.

Lostinthismess posted 10/29/2013 14:37 PM

My fwh apologized to my two friends that knew. One was expecting an apology which I think is a bit much, but whatever, she got it. Why do you think the response would be scary? They already know he cheated. Most people wouldn't get ugly with an apology, and to anyone that harbors ill will to him, it could soften them a little.

Lovedyoumore posted 10/29/2013 14:42 PM

I would say it depends on motive. Is it still about him? Does he need the attention? Is it a need to put himself into a role of contrite H to look better to them? What does MC think?

If it will help YOU heal and the marriage heal then maybe. I think it deserves discernment and open communication between the two of you to make a joint decision.

LearnToLoveAgain posted 10/29/2013 15:23 PM

It's not all about him wanting control or anything. He's remorseful for what he did and that he hurt me and in a way hurt friends.

OldCow18 posted 10/29/2013 15:49 PM

Wh apologized to my 3 oldest and closest friends that I confided in. I believe his motivation as remorse and embarrassment at what he'd done. That was about 2 weeks after d-day.

LearnToLoveAgain posted 10/29/2013 16:14 PM

It would only be to my 2 closes friends who know and the persons house it was at. It's just a weird position to be in. The friends house it happened to doesn't talk to the OW anymore she said "someone who was told multiple times a person was married and then lied to her friend (me) was not someone she wanted to be around" she's been a big support to me and my WH so I think she deserves an apology. Plus it's hard for me cause this has put a strain on my friendships ( support etc) we dknt think this will just "smooth things over" or anything. But atleast know that this doesn't define us him or our marriage. He recognizes he did wrong and is remorseful.