Hi, it's been a while since I've posted anything and I'm sorry I haven't been here to support people the way I was supported when I found out about my WW affair. I apologize.
Things have been going fairly well, until yesterday. MC is going well as is IC (for me), although she needs it as well, but our insurance won't allow one person to see multiple counselors at a time.
We woke up early that morning and I decided to have wake her up well. After 20 minutes or so, we enjoyed the intimacy. Clearly she did, after multiple orgasms, she began growing louder and louder. This was at approximately 6am. We live in an apartment, with our kids in the next room and neighbors above and below us.
After her fourth orgasm, she screamed so loud that our upstairs neighbors hit the floor five times in a row. At that point, we continued but without realizing it, I found myself shushing her. On the third shush, I was told "WHY ARE YOU SHUSHING ME?!?!"
I replied: "I don't want to bother the neighbors", in a meek and timid voice. She replied - "Fuck the neighbors! They are always making noise! They could have been just making noise like they always are. You care more about how they feel than you do about me. Thanks."
I thought about it and she was right, to an extent. The neighbors could care less, but she was VERY, VERY loud at 6am on a weekday.
After a few minutes past, I apologized and found my WS in the shower crying. I apologized and she said "It's just par for the course. You're always stifling my feelings." At this point, I went into our other bathroom and started to cry. I never want to supress how she or anyone else feels or expresses themselves.
We haven't been intimate since and this was after a difficult weekend which lacked intimacy, affection and sex - she was recovering from oral surgery and I was in charge of the kids and household for the weekend.
She responded positively to texts and turned it around. We began sexting each other. Eventually the day got the best of us and it fizzled out.
When she got home - very late - I was exhausted, as was she. Our two year old would not go to bed and so she fell asleep at 11, while I tended to the two year old until 12:30.
What bothers me is that last night, I told her that I loved her. She simply nodded her head and said "I know." Today I asked her "Do you love me?" She responded "why are you asking me this now?" Granted, I called her at work but it still worried me. After a non-response, she replied "Yes, of course I love you." But quite begrudgingly.
Did I screw up somehow? Any suggestions on how to go forward. Our weekly "state of the relationship" discussion should take place tonight and I'm a bit anxious about it.
Am I going crazy? It's been a little over 2 months since D-Day and there have been ups and downs but I literally am not feeling the love. I can't explain it. I'm overcome with emotion right now and feel the final death of the relationship coming.
We don't have MC until November 8th. While I feel we could use him ASAP, eventually we have to learn to deal on our own.
Any suggestions on what to do? How to act? Should I start following the 180 HARD?