Me: BGF (49)
Thank you for replying Deeply Scared.
I'm sure I'm stretching it when I say hero, but every thing he does wrong now, seems to make me want to run in the opposite direction.
He knows he has a lot to change. And I realize when it's part of who a person has been their whole life, it's not always obvious what they are doing (that's wrong).
He defended his actions last night, even changing his story slightly to make it sound like he was blunt and just did his job. But I know he's a nice guy and I don't see him being blunt. At the same time, that's not how he expained it the first time around.
You're right. This is a boundry issue. I also think he needs to figure out why he has to play the nice guy to women. I brought up to him months ago, that when he describes women, his voice sounds different. He does the same thing when talking to them. I don't think he realized he was doing it. It opened up the issue that he views them WAY differently than men. He's admitted he's looked at them as objects, and also as helpless, sweet, adorable, etc.
At that time, I told him we were never going to work with him having those views. I know he saw what he was doing as wrong. And I know he's tried to change how he sees them. I can see that in the way he handles himself and how he comments on certain things. This site here has helped tremendously with this.
What I don't think he is seeing, or maybe doesn't care to, is how he still wants to be viewed in their eyes. And this part, I can't deal with.
Actually, when I look back at all I've been through in my life, by the actions of three men (infidelity and abuse), I have NO patience or tollorance for any of it ever again.
So why am I still here
Him: WBF (nogoodap1), cheater and SA
Together for 4 years.
Too many DDs to list, the last one 28 June 2016
Status: He chose his addiction, I chose to break up
*** Sex addiction is very real. I finally saw it first hand***