SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

cluless posted 10/29/2013 18:04 PM

I CANNOT get through to my WH. I CANNOT get real answers other than "I wasn't thinking, I don't know, etc." My latest question was "why did you NOT use condoms with a woman who is cheating on her husband, WITHOUT a condom based on HER word alone. If that isn't bad enough, I'm on auto-immuno suppressants and I was in the hospital fighting for my life. He was literally risking my life... NEVER told me that he didn't use a condom and just RECENTLY did an STD test and threw that in my face (4 years later.) I don't see any remorse, I get a lot of sorry, but he doesn't really mean it. How do I get through his THICK skull? I'm at my wits end

Jrazz posted 10/29/2013 18:12 PM

That sounds like a LOT of cluelessness... to the point of reckless.

He needs to climb through his own thick skull.

You yourself said it - he says "sorry" but he obviously doesn't mean it.

So many of us were put at risk health-wise by our WS's behavior - but your situation really makes his recklessness unfathomable to me.

How much longer can you put up with his empty words? Do you have to stick this out?

(((cluless)))

cluless posted 10/30/2013 08:47 AM

I don't know what to do. I'm not sure he's "trying" to make me the heavy by filing for divorce or if this guy really loves me. WHO? Does what he did and have NO EXPLANATION for any of it? I NEED answers and I get idk, can't remember, etc. I wrote him a list of questions that have NOT been answered for me (at least to my satisfaction.)

Last night, he regressed even further. I joined a couple of dating sites not to find anybody but to start building my destroyed self-esteem. I have no intention of screwing around, I have way too much class and integrity to do that. I had ALREADY told him I did so and why I'm doing it. I believe in 100% honesty and it felt wrong NOT to tell him.

He comes in screaming at me, throws the paper in my face and then proceeds to call me a liar. I told him "don't ever call me a liar again, YOU'RE the liar." With that he proceeded to call me a bitch several times (he hadn't done this since we first got married.) I told him if he calls me that again I'm going to slap him. He then told me "if you slap me, I'll slap you back." So I got up and slapped him. I stood there waiting for my slap, just do it, that's what you want to do. He walked out the door and I shoved him along.

I can't go backwards. I'm working really hard to get my shit together. I'm trying to go out and see my friends again and just continue to read and see "if" he's going to "get it." I can't go much longer. Last night he texted me from our couch (yes he's sleeping on the couch) that he's sorry, don't give up on him, etc. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I told him, you need to actively work on this, it has to be your priority. Now we will just see.

k94ever posted 10/30/2013 08:52 AM

With 4 ddays......it really sounds he just doesn't want the life he is used to going away.

Have you thought about how life would be if you lost the stupid?

k9

cluless posted 10/30/2013 13:23 PM

At this point, I have thought about it. Last night it started to look good. My g/f that has been through this says it "does" take awhile for some guys to "really get it." Stop the lies, and plug in. I know my WH wants to have a life with me, but he's done some really STUPID things with NO regard to me at all.

I think that is what hurts the most. I'm dying inside from all the pain he's inflicted on me. I guess I'll just see how long this new "I'm trying" lasts and make a decision. I'm about to bail.