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Chippednotbroken posted 10/29/2013 20:33 PM

Confronted him. Said if he wanted to be with me -the me I am now, not the mythical me he remembers before dealing with ten years of shit- he had to fess up to everything. He fessed up to a historical BJ from 8years ago. I knew something had happened back then but ignored it. So here I am. Not crying, not mad just feeling nothing. He says he wouldn't want to know and can't understand why I want to know. But he told me anyway. Told me about the recent affair and the old one. I pray he told me everything and everyone. I can't handle another.

MovingUpward posted 10/29/2013 21:01 PM

(((hugs)))

I hope that he told you everything.

Chippednotbroken posted 10/29/2013 21:10 PM

You have been on here awhile. Does it ever get better? And is reconciling worth it? I feel like the knowledge helped but I also felt this same way after DDay 1.

MovingUpward posted 10/29/2013 21:16 PM

I unfortunately didn't have a opportunity to reconcile. We tried for two years but my now XW never ended her affair, she just took in underground. There are many times that I think everyone would have been better off if she would have ended it and actually work on reconciliation, but I have found much peace in my new life.

As for it getting better, time does heal. I have created my happiness out of the ashes. So don't give up hope. Things will get better over time.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 9:17 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

littlemrsV0813 posted 10/29/2013 21:44 PM

[This message edited by littlemrsV0813 at 10:40 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

ButterflyGirl posted 10/29/2013 23:34 PM

I'm so sorry. I know how painful it is to hear. And confessions like that taint so many memories.

During our 1 month of false R, STBX admitted to the same, which apparently had happened years before. For me, it made all those years seem like a lie. I think the longer a secret like that is kept, the more it hurts. I mean, how could he lie to me for that long?!? How could he keep a straight face around me? Maybe I'm just a terrible liar, but I don't think I'd ever be able to do it. My conscience would eat away at me..

Just as a warning, I think cheaters usually start small and build their way up to revealing the whole truth. My STBX's affair went from an EA to just kissing to sex only 4 times to sex for only a couple months to sex for over a year. He admitted to "kissing" another coworker as well, and there's no way I believe that was it, but I was gone before he could trickle truth me on that one too..

I think how you reacted to this piece of information is going to affect how much he continues to reveal to you. I'm not sure how we are supposed to keep our composure when hearing stuff like this, but if telling you this sent you over the edge, then I doubt he is going to tell you more for a while. My bet is that he would stop there and clam up and insist that's the whole truth.. But if you are able to remain calm and show him that you can handle it, then he may keep confessing. I know it hurts, but I think you will want the whole truth if you hope to R..

If you ask me, if I know I'm gonna get shot 100 times, I'd rather I got shot 100 times in one night rather than once or twice every few days or weeks. Trickle truth is a slow and painful death sentence when trying to rebuild trust..

But I remember asking my STBX if he had told me everything about 2 weeks in, and really, it was a pretty stupid question. He had been cheating on me for over a year, so how could he have possibly told me everything in 2 weeks?!? There were so many lies, all the holidays, all the "working late" or "going to my mom's" excuses, and the people that knew, etc. Trickle truth is hell, but I think it's necessary for true R.

Big hugs to you. I know this really sucks.. I hope if there's more to tell he does it soon and with a lot of compassion and promises of change..

Chippednotbroken posted 10/30/2013 10:34 AM

My problem now is in listening to him it occurs to me that just being with me is never going to be enough. No matter how attentive and exciting I make being with me, me alone is never enough. And I can't be like that all the time. For obvious reasons I feel unattractive so now I worry that it will be good for awhile, maybe even years and I will get hit with yet another affair and he will say I need attention.