I don't want to reject him but sometimes i just don't feel it..the affection back.
He is absolutely doing everything correct -- going to counseling (individual and marriage) and he's meeting weekly with our pastor. He is offering me his laptop, his phone, his ipad, his work computer, whatever I want to see. He's given me the passwords to everything.
He has her blocked on FB and the phone.
My neighbor knows the OW's family and says not only is she still 10 states away but there has been NO contact with WH and she told the family that from what she sees it will stay that way. She made sure the family knew that we are working on our marriage and have no use for her.
I'm not really sure why I"m writing this. I guess just because I'm not sure what I'm feeling about all this affection. ETA: I like it, but sometimes feel smothered and then I feel guilty for feeling smothered. Weird? Yeah..I don' t know..there is a reason I was in therapy even before dday.
[This message edited by topperoff22 at 10:49 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]
When my kids get clingy like that, it's because they are worrying about something and needing reassurance. Or they're guilty of something.
I think that when they realize what they almost lost and what a prize idiot they've been, they overcompensate. Of course, guilt is there, but my fWH said he's so grateful for this chance of reconciliation that he wants to make it up to me. He said he still (even now) can't quite believe he's still here.
I had to gently explain that I'd been hurt so all it felt a bit much for me. He understood. But I never told him to stop because I knew this was his way of saying how sorry he is with actions as well as words.
[This message edited by Healinggirl at 3:01 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]
D Day 11 November 2012
You can't scale a mountain in a single step
We are better now and he has calmed down a bit- I do think it was fear and realization on his part that he almost lost me.
Hang in there- honesty is key to all of this. Occasionally I think I feel guilty when he does things that show true remorse and I just can't respond- like I'm killing R or something. But- this cannot happen overnight. Saying you want R and everything goin back to normal - or better than normal- are two different things.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
My husband did this a few months after. It did suffocate me too. He was trying to reassure himself I wasn't going to leave him by being overly affectionate. He was scared to death I was one foot out the door.
I guess this is what he is doing. He came home from meeting with our pastor last week after we'd had a fight and started crying and holding me, begging me not to leave him. It was unnerving. I told him i wasn't going to and I mean it. That isn't my plan. Sometimes I want to run away because letting him in again freaks me out.I don't want to be hurt again and I don't want my hurt to hurt him -- for me to do something stupid out of hurt. But I committed to working things out so I have to take it one day at a time and keep pushing forward. Sometimes I worry he has more to tell me but he's too paranoid to tell me because he's afraid I'll leave and take our son from him (and the new baby which I'm still in denial about until I see an ultrasound...this whole pregnancy thing is really freaking surreal. I was so sick with our son and have no symptoms with this one.) And I'll admit that in the beginning I wanted our son as far away from him as possible and I did make that part of a conversation at one point, but have not really thought of doing it.
[This message edited by topperoff22 at 10:37 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]
Maybe he is worried that you will have a RA, and so he is overcompensating.
I don't think so but maybe. I admitted to him early on in this process a family member (by marriage) had been trying to contact me and convince me to have an RA with him to get "over all of this". Um...he's married too and to someone very close to my WH so it was super weird and uncomfortable and while OW is 10 states away now, this guy is 2 miles down the road. However, the way this guy went about it was soooo sleazy I now regret even talking to him and just seeing a photo of him makes me start to gag. We had to remove every photo of him we had from our house (which I think was actually only one from his wedding to said family member) and I blocked him on FB and unfriended everyone else from the family.
Occasionally I think I feel guilty when he does things that show true remorse and I just can't respond- like I'm killing R or something. But- this cannot happen overnight. Saying you want R and everything goin back to normal - or better than normal- are two different things.