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Conflicted about contacting OW

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careerlady posted 10/30/2013 02:14 AM

This is round 3 of me catching him so I am filing for D. The only issue is the texts are suspicious and it looks like they met up but I have no idea how far things went. He tends to not tell the OW and the first one was innocent and we had a good conversation. The second I didn't call because he confessed. This time I'm planning on having him served on Saturday when he gets back from his business trip. I'm worried I guess that I just want to call her to ruin things out of jealousy. We have a toddler together so we need to get along and I don't want a big custody battle so should I just not call her so he won't get upset? I wanna call badly but not for the wrong reasons.

We are done either way. This last chance was supposed to be with counseling and he hasn't showed remorse and is refusing to go to counseling now so it is what it is. :(

What do you all think?

summerain posted 10/30/2013 02:56 AM

Unfortunately, and I do mean unfortunately, I think this is one of the times where you don't say anything.

We had a member post before that did an EPIC confrontation... without being there.

That's how I would get him back.

She's another hole to fill right>? So she's at the end of the day inconsequential. Stick it to him but do it in such a way that has shock value and gives you a nice memory, but does irrevocably stuff things up for you.

Perhaps his stuff is all gone? Be creative

momof1girl posted 10/30/2013 04:05 AM

Don't do it. I did and it got me a huge world of OW contacting me at odd times to rub my face into what was happening. All you will do is feel better temporarily.

ruby44 posted 10/30/2013 06:01 AM

I made the huge mistake of calling her at work to tell her my husband was lying to her too. Then I called her husband, that gave me more satisfaction and put a little burr in their affair blanket. He in turn, told their mutual friends and family add burr number two. My WH, is in such a fog that when she told him what I had done, he called us for the first time, not to see how our daughters volleyball tournament went, or how the girls did on their report cards, but to tell me that what I had done, had hurt the OW and her BH had backed out of a custody arrangement and now she might lose her daughter and the financial support! So my advice, she'd some light on the affair, talking to her does nothing but fuels your anger.

Raven96 posted 10/30/2013 06:41 AM

Hi, Honey.

I know that contacting OW is what you really, really want to do; but, if they can cheat with a MM, what is to stop them from lying to you??

Have you seen a lawyer to find out what your options are as far as custody and child support? Every state is different, but usually they favor the mother, so hopefully that will work to your benefit.

I am so sorry your WH isn't fighting for your M. You and your baby deserve so much better!

(((Careerlady)))

k94ever posted 10/30/2013 08:34 AM

Don't do it. Don't poke the drama llama.

Better to get a shark attorney and go the "scorched earth" route on your WS.

Revenge.....gotta love it!!!!

k9

careerlady posted 10/30/2013 10:43 AM

Just so you know though it doesn't appear she knows he's married. I should just leave her to her fate? It seems kinda mean. Plus I can't definitively say he had a PA yet again. This is a hard pill to swallow

k94ever posted 10/30/2013 10:46 AM

Who cares what she does and doesn't know; this is about your WS. HE knows he's married and it doesn't matter to him.

Attorney.
Shark attack.
Scorched earth.

k9

tushnurse posted 10/30/2013 14:23 PM

I so get wanting to talk to her, I felt that way for 4 years. I wanted to be able to give her a piece of my mind, and honestly to see how F'd a person she truly was.

But you know that she has no intrest in helping you, youre the evil wife. She has no reason to tell the truth, and she certainl isn't a mentally stable person if she knowingly got involved with a MM.

I agree file, and rock his world by being dignified, and making a huge impact, like packing up his shit, and checking him into a room at a Motel 6 with a Debit Card in his name only, with just enough money in the account to pay for one night.

FTG, and talking to OW will not help you in any way.

(((and strength)))

Skan posted 10/31/2013 11:25 AM

She's not your problem. He is. I would concentrate on having him served, getting him out of the house, and getting what you are owed from him for both CS and SS. Taking care of yourself and your child is your #1 priority.

Speaking of which, I hope that you're having him served away from your house. If you have not already done so, today or tomorrow latest, I would open up a new bank account in your name only, transfer 1/2 of the funds in the joint account into it, change the locks on your house, reserve a room in his name at the local Motel 6 for Saturday and Sunday nights, and hefty bag his stuff into the garage for him to pick up later. And remember that if he has a garage door opener, you need to either get it, or keep the opener unplugged so he can't get in that way. Doing the above will make a FAR stronger statement than calling his latest piece of fluff. (((hugs)))

Dyinghere posted 11/16/2013 00:12 AM

I called the OW. She told me she hoped to marry my husband. I told her I saw the closeup picture of her vagina that she emailed to him. The whole thing was pointless and I immediately wished I hadn't called.

Marathonwaseasy posted 11/16/2013 02:46 AM

Don't do it. I phoned ow and it has tortured me ever since. The phone call will stay with me forever. Part of my PTSD and panic attacks. It won't help you.

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