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Newest Member: Azzie123 (56239)

User Topic: O M G! It happened and I didn't even realize it.
Flatlined123
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

True forgiveness and reconciliation. It just snuck up on me. I realized that I forgive my H.

He may not be perfect, but neither am I. The thing is, he is regretful and remorseful. And for the right reasons. Not because he's ashamed, but because he sees what his actions did to me/us and how hurtful they were.

I think I've hit acceptance too. I no longer beat myself up thinking how dumb I was to trust and no see what was going on right in front of me.

When I think about it, I can go deep into that rabbit hole. It hurts. Frankly, that betrayal will always hurt, but it doesn't gut me and leave me bleeding and breathless like before. It's more like an old wound that has healed, but you have to live with the limp its left you with everyday. The knowledge that my H had an affair is part of my life.

The thing is that it just doesn't define our M anymore. It hurts if I rub it, but not as much. I know it will never be gone, but it's so much better.


Me: BS H: WS
4 kids
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 911 | Registered: Jun 2012
cantaccept
♀ 37451
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy for you.

I am just beginning to see that the possibility of this pain not being the focus of everyday. Not there yet but see that it is possible.


"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie


Posts: 2839 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Marathonwaseasy
♀ 40674
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hope to reach that point. Well done you x


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flatlined,

I'm happy for you!


Suppressing your feelings only locks them in place.

Posts: 52113 | Registered: Sep 2007
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flatlined,

I'm glad you are making positive steps forward!

AN


Suppressing your feelings only locks them in place.

Posts: 52113 | Registered: Sep 2007
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ 40769
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flatlined- this is such a great post! Thank you for sharing :) congratulations! I am in a similar situation and I define it as "cautiously comfortable." I don't know that ill ever let my guard down, and it still hurts- but yes- the profuse bleeding has stopped.
I'm very happy for you!


I have stopped pretending
Me- FBS 41
Him- FWS 38
16 years
2 DS- 14 and 16
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
full truth: November 14, 2013

Posts: 1066 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome!!! Thank you for the hope.


BS 42
fWS 38 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DsD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2859 | Registered: Aug 2012
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ 36684
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


FWS me 38 (recovering addict)
BS him 41 AFrayedKnot
Together 10 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1167 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Sammy2013
♀ 41040
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading posts like this give me hope at barely a month from DDay. Ivan only hope I can get to this point.


WH -38; BS (me) 40
Married 14 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. TT and 3 more DDays in the 6 months to follow. Trying to R.

Posts: 257 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5951 | Registered: Aug 2007
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful.


You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane


Posts: 37957 | Registered: Aug 2011
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*clap clap clap*

It's wonderful to let go of some of that anger and hate, isn't it? It's like the world is suddenly in color again!! I'm so happy for you!!!


DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband

Posts: 2246 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
sailorgirl
♀ 38162
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flatlined, that is awesome. I'm so glad for you that the A does not define your marriage. Acceptance sounds so easy, but it's totally not. Good for you!

When I read these posts, I think, "Someday, that'll be me." Someday


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Blobette
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So happy for you. Such a big moment!


BS (me): 51
WS: 52
Married: 27 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Aug 2012
Searchingforhope
♀ 38437
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very encouraging post...thanks so much for sharing!


Me: BW 51 at the time(didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54 at the time(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs at the time
DDAY 04/25/12
Working on R
PA Lasted 2 weeks. OW totally screwed up $@#%.



Posts: 260 | Registered: Feb 2013
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's more like an old wound that has healed, but you have to live with the limp its left you with everyday. The knowledge that my H had an affair is part of my life.

Thank you Flatlined - this is a great post. Happy for you.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3437 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 16

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