Should I throw them out? Let her decide when they go?
Or does their presence make a clear line that the situation has changed?
And THANK YOU FOR THIS RESOURCE!
You gave her flowers, you offered her your heart, she knows this...now 180 HARD.
Keep posting we'll help you along the way.
Is her behavior normal?
[This message edited by TrustGone at 8:46 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]
I would throw out the flowers, but that is just me.
We are here for you! Post as many questions or vents as you need, and read as much as you can in the Healing Library. Knowledge is power!
(((justjim)))
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
If I had the strength you had to do the 180 I'd throw the flowers out and continue full steam ahead with 180. Just my opinion of course. More power to you and keep posting. ((Hugs)))
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway and block the traffic"
Yesterday, she was still wearing her wedding ring. This morning she insisted on showing me her hands ("Does it look like I may be having circulation problems in my hands?")
I noticed the ring missing, but didn't bat an eye. I just said "That is way out of my department... You should probably talk to your doctor about health concerns."
Did I handle it ok? Seeing the ring missing actually broke my heart. Kind of seemed final, in a way.
I'm no expert but it sounds right to me.
My wife is doing the same thing. My ring is sitting next to hers.
I choose not to participate.
After repeatedly insisting that she wants a divorce (and making very public announcements to our friends to that effect, when I am not around), She now wants me to go to the doctor with her concerning an ongoing medical issue "for strength and support. She also wants me to get her dependent military ID renewed (I am retired military). Which doesn't make sense... She will lose the ID in a divorce. Her words and her actions seem contrary to one another. Her words seem almost as if she is laying the groundwork in case I expose her betrayal. (She tells others that she wants a divorce because I have not been attentive to her "needs").
Am I over thinking this?
By the way, my answer to her requests was "We'll see." In accordance with 180, I am avoiding discussions concerning the future. I think her requests may be an attempt to push me into those discussions.
First, and foremost, THANK YOU for your service.
She is playing games with you to see how far she has to go to get you to back down.
First they're all sweet and nice.
Then, when you don't respond, they go for the pissed off.
Her showing you her hands, sans ring? She wants to make sure you saw she took them off.
Questions about ID? She is trying to snow you to think that she is looking towards the future of "us". To see if you will bite, and to see if it will get you off track.
YOU, OTOH, are doing incredible!! Your answers are short, and concise. PERFECT 180!!
Keep it up!
PS: I read how you got your username, and it broke my heart!
Sending strength.
She insists to me and everyone else that she wants a divorce, yet she has made no move toward making it happen. No attorney, no separation, nada. She keeps threatening to move into the guest room. When I reply "whatever suits you is fine with me", she drops the subject. She has been talking about the guest room for five weeks now. Only once did I reach out for her sexually (when I was still trying to do anything to save the marriage). She started crying uncontrollably and could only say "I can't" between sobs. Maybe I should move out of the bedroom, but that is not my nature. I refuse to be inconvenienced by HER behavior. She only sleeps in the master bedroom anyway. She changes clothes in the guest room and avoids any chance that I will see her in any state of undress.
Doesn't bother me too much. It makes me think that she believes she is "cheating" on someone else if she has sex with me or allows me to see her undressed. THAT thought certainly helps cool any amorous thoughts.
In short, yes. You are trying to understand, ridiculous and childish behavior. Play your life, not hers.
The 180 is about you my friend. It is about getting back into you. It has nothing, I repeat nothing, to do with your W. Good, bad or indifferent.
It is also not about being distant from her. It's about simply figuring out what you want to do and then going to do it. She may be involved she may not be.
I have kids. They became my primary focus. Sometimes my W joined sometimes not. I picked up new hobbies. Started meditating, thinking things through, made some cool new friends. Made time for me.
The flowers. You gave a gift, good for you and don't feel bad about it. Yes, IMO it was a mistake, but have you ever gone through this before? I bet not. You will make lots of mistakes. Be kind to yourself, be into yourself, be about you for a while. Get yourself straight and then take a look at who she really is....
take care...
She keeps threatening to move into the guest room
Maybe she just needs a little help!
Maybe when she is out of the house YOU can take her stuff and dump it in the guest room. Save her the trouble.
And then aren't you being the helpful H??
She keeps making the D, and moving in spare room, threats just to see how far she can push you. Don't fall for it.
Be a good guy and help poor, little helpless her!
Forgive me if you already covered this but have you seen a L? Since she is telling everyone she wants a D, again, help the poor little lady and give her one!!
Oh yeah, and FTB!!!
Sending strength
Suddenly, I don't even KNOW this person anymore. Even her facial features look different to me, I am seeing little imperfections that I didn't used to see.
As for moving her things... Nope, not doing it. She is going to have to learn that I am DONE doing for her. If she wants it done, she can damn well do it her self. Besides, I don't want to give her any more reasons to talk me down to our friends. I'm not the one putting our dirt in the street. She is.
I am remaining aloof and detached.
Forgive me if I use this place to try to figure out her behavior. It's the only place I've got outside of my own head.
She now wants me to go to the doctor with her concerning an ongoing medical issue "for strength and support.
Don't go. This is just her way of keeping you emotionally engaged and manipulating you.
If you want them to quit stabbing you in the back, then you need to quit handing them the knife.
Trouble is, she is using any excuse to trash me to our friends and her family. (I'm not saying much. Kind of ashamed of the whole thing.)
I worry that if I don't go, it will be " can you believe that he wouldn't even go to the doctor with me when I told him that I needed him? See what kind of man he is? Do you blame me?"
Gotta play chess, not checkers.
I am also inclined to go simply out of human compassion. I would provide strength and support to a complete stranger in a time of legitimate need. To abandon my own character and personality in response to her misdeeds would be a gross violation of the idea behind 180, if I understand it correctly. Gotta keep being me, despite her... Right?
