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False R or the A leading to D? - vent

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Iamacrab posted 10/30/2013 06:48 AM

WH doesn't know why I still am listing her in the paperwork as this isn't about the A anymore and he no longer cares about her. To him, we're D - ing bc through months of false R he finally determined we would never have *that* connection and that's what he wants. So even though he never knew we didn't have that connection until her, it's not about her. But while I'm getting new paperwork must that be there? (Getting new copies bc in false R he was so sure we wouldn't D he threw them away) When he told me he was sure he didn't want to D he had every intention of staying together, and after months he felt something, but not *that* so he had to be fair to me and end it.

No, I didn't file fault bc of the cost and I won't get anything from it, but I am saying the marriage was broken and cannot be fixed bc of her presence. I just want it in there, it makes me feel better. And I'm paying for it all (he has no atty) so why not?

How do you all do it w the serious issues you have? He makes me feel insane and I know I have no room to bitch bc my situation is pretty minimal when you think about it, just my cat and the never ending issues w the tenants/house. I just feel not equipped to deal w him some days.

Yesterday he texted me about the anniversary of my best friends death. (2 BFF, 1 passed away 1 yr ago this week while we were in false R, 1 passed away 16 yrs ago when we were teens this week, the dates are back to back) then he says he doesn't remember when the others date was, he's not good w dates.
So for our entire relationship I would do x only ever on this day in memory, but he doesn't know when it was? He took part in x w me, for 12 years! Last yr I was crushed bc I couldn't go to a memorial for my one bff bc it was the day of the funeral for the other, and he has the gall to basically tell me how little such very important things to me matter to him.
Oh and my first bff passed away at the same time as someone so important to him, we initially bonded over it actually as it was so terrible of a coincidence.

How does he live, and wake up each day, and go on dates, and be merry, and this is my life? What the hell am I supposed to learn from all this?!?!

Thanks go letting me vent all. Hope you have a good day.

thenon-goddess posted 10/30/2013 08:14 AM

How about this - tell him that after months of false R where he couldn't fully commit himself that YOU have decided her presence was too big an obstacle to overcome so YOU are going through with the D because YOU feel she helped damage the relationship beyond repair. He does NOT get to determine the language you use when you file. Or, you could just ignore his ass and let your actions speak by continuing to file just as you have already started.

Gemini71 posted 10/30/2013 08:34 AM

Your L should have copies of the original paperwork. Tell WS it's cheaper to use the existing paperwork, or tell him nothing at all. You're divorcing, he doesn't get to tell you what to do anymore.

Iamacrab posted 10/30/2013 14:21 PM

I am getting him copies of what was originally done, it's just really frustrating to deal w and pay for all of this, and then copies that he lost. I know it's actually minor, just seems like a total waste of money.

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