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Trying to work on this but it's hard

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stillcrying4ever posted 10/30/2013 07:37 AM

Maybe this will help some of you out there too. Just have to keep reading and trying.

rachelc posted 10/30/2013 08:23 AM

honestly, I think most of this is a load of bull.

I can say for sure that love in a marriage is conditional. Don't cheat, treat me right, and I'll love you.
My love for my children is unconditional...

the stuff about circling the hurt. Well this person really doesn't understand trauma. I see it as moving forward in circles.

Forgiveness: I haven't forgiven my husband. Doesn't mean I have bitterness, rage and resentment all the time. i think forgiveness is overrated and that living with something that may be "good enough" is what a lot of married people do.


topperoff22 posted 10/30/2013 10:43 AM

Doesn't mean I have bitterness, rage and resentment all the time.
You may not see it yet but you might down the road after it eats you alive from the inside out. Forgiveness isn't a single's a commitment to work toward that goal. BUT this is just my thoughts and not a definite statement. we each have our own journey to take.

stillcrying4ever posted 10/30/2013 12:27 PM

I have to forgive because I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life. I can't.

StrongerOne posted 10/30/2013 12:40 PM

I love my H, I understand (better than he does) why he got involved in his affair, I accept that he did it, I'm no longer angry about it, and I am reasonably certain that he will not do anything like that again (I could be wrong, but 95% chance that I'm right, which I'm good with). It's become one of those "for worse" times.

But I don't forgive him for doing it. Not forgiving him is not eating me up. It doesn't bother me at all. And I don't think it will bother me in the future either. I'm not vindictive about it, so I don't think there's anything unethical about deciding not to forgive. Maybe I will forgive him in the future. Probably not.

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