This is a new thread from a previous story. I need some feedback.
As I suspected, our discussion was something much greater than loud sex. As I anticipated, she asked to let out of the relationship. She told me that she didn't respect me and didn't feel she could move on from all of the damage that has occurred in the relationship. She told me that she is not in love with me and doesn't think she'll be able to change how she feels.
She also told me that as hard as this was, she wanted to keep the divorce/split as amicable as possible as we would be dealing with our children. She told me that she wanted to be happy and that she wanted me to be happy and that this was the best way.
She then began to be honest, finally, as she has not been completely honest in MC. She told me of a ONS before we were married, she told me of a ONS, from one year ago when her father died. She began to tell me of the sexual abuse she received as a child, and as a teenager from family members and non-family members. She told me of the two times she was raped as a teenager. As I love her, my heart sank and I felt her pain. She needs IC badly. So badly that I think I may see if I can get my shrink to go pro-bono with me, so I can be the patient for MC and she can then get the IC she desperately needs. She may be a sex addict, I don't know. But she is not a throwaway, and my family is not a throwaway. I believe that this can be salvaged, but she needs to love me and respect me and right now she doesn't. I asked her if there is any chance that her perspective could change - she responded "Yes, but I'm not sure if its possible. I don't know if I can get over it." I told her, this is why we need MC and you need IC. I reminded her that we've been in MC only two months. I asked her for a little more time to see what evolves. She did admit that things have gotten a little better but that ultimately, she doesn't feel she can shake her feelings. I kept on it and asked her to simply see the MC process out. I believe that this is part of the process.
I didn't not accept this resignation from the relationship. She did not believe my response. I told her that I had imagined the worst possible scenario. That she had sex with the NY Giants Football team for 2 years. The entire team...without protection. I put this in my head to get over her infidelities. I knew that other things had happened but that she wasn't ready to tell me.
She believes I deserve better person and partner. She's right, I do. I told her "I deserve a better YOU. Let's make it happen. I am not allowing you to quit on me, on this marriage and on this family without putting in your best possible effort in MC and IC. You haven't done that yet. When you do and it's obvious that this your feelings aren't going to change, then we're done. I told her that it was as if we were digging for oil and we were two feet from it and she decided to call it quits because we hadn't hit oil yet. I told her, "Quit being so selfish and looking for an easy way out. It's time to confront all of these issues and sort through them. If we don't make it out together, at least we'll make it out. But the lying, the cowardice, the bullshit, it all stops here and our new lives starts NOW."
While I'm glad that she was honest, I am not some monster like Ariel Castro from Cleveland, I will not hold her hostage. I just want her to honor her vows and work through the issues. If there is no love there, then and only then will I concede the relationship is finished.