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Why can't I relax?? Post marathon depression/anxiety

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She11ybeanz posted 10/30/2013 13:02 PM

Its so odd.... all night last night and today I have been picking at my fingers. I have that nervous condition where you will pick at the skin around your fingers and/or bite your nails? I'm not sure what has triggered it though but my hands hurt now.

I'm also...like really tired. I know that is mostly because I just ran 26.2 miles on Sunday....but....tired like, I could hibernate until next Spring tired....tired like 1st trimester tired (and NO I'm not preggo thank you...been on the bus since hell froze over and its not even a viable possibility other than the 2nd coming) But, I'm also kinda sad too. Its like, I've spent all these months preparing for this race and now its over. I should be reaping the benefits and being happy I can relax now but I'm not happy. I'm actually almost unhappy that I don't have that goal anymore. I sorta have other races in mind in the future but nothing concrete.

Why do I feel like I'm not whole unless I have a goal in mind. Why do I have to constantly be in motion or stay busy to feel like myself? Why can't I just relax and soak in life slowly? Its like all my worries just flood in when I'm not busy. I have too much time to think about unpaid bills or money issues that will loom over me in the future.....I'm no longer distracted from thinking about XWH, MOW, or sperm donor.

I told my sister today that in the next year....I want to put the 3 of them out of my mind because I have wasted too much of my precious time thinking and talking about them. I hope I can do that. I need to.

I just need to breathe.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:04 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

MovingUpward posted 10/30/2013 13:54 PM

Breathing would be good. You also just came off being ill and it wouldn't surprise me that your body was not ready for the marathon even though your adrenaline level was.

So if it is a goal and your need as well as learning to just relax and be happy then combine the two. Make your goal to find simple things that amaze you, the cause you to smile. Do this for a month or more and see if your ability to relax improves.

alphakitte posted 10/30/2013 13:57 PM

I have too much time to think about unpaid bills or money issues that will loom over me in the future.....I'm no longer distracted from thinking about XWH, MOW, or sperm donor.

I think you are quite self aware and you seem to know what needs to happen for you to be content.

She11ybeanz posted 10/30/2013 14:27 PM

Well, and I've been SO busy the last 2 months...with training for the marathon and racing....I didn't race over the Summer...but I ran 2 big races in September..... a fun zombie 5k and the marathon this month and have been too busy to worry about anything else. Now I have Christmas looming in the distance and I'm just hoping and praying we get a bonus.... cause I really need it! I hate worrying..... but I'm gonna try to do some fun things... I even invited a guy friend to a movie next week. What the hell right?

There is also a couple of shows on TV right now that I love....and I was never a HUGE TV watcher before....but being a single mom...my only ME time besides running is after my daughter goes to bed.....so that usually = DVR time! So....I've been getting into "Reign", "The Originals" , "The Vampire Diaries" (or let's face it...Ian Somerhalder shirtless ) and occasionally "The Voice"

Crescita posted 10/30/2013 14:52 PM

Why do I feel like I'm not whole unless I have a goal in mind. Why do I have to constantly be in motion or stay busy to feel like myself? Why can't I just relax and soak in life slowly? Its like all my worries just flood in when I'm not busy. I have too much time to think about unpaid bills or money issues that will loom over me in the future

I think you need to tackle this. You can keep making new goals, but until you conquer the ones that are gnawing at you, the things you are trying to ignore, you arenít going to be able to find that peace.

I fell into this trap too, taking on all these new goals, almost as if I was trying to prove myself toÖsomeone, anyone, the ghost of my marriage? After knocking so many goals off the to-do list, I realized I donít really have anything left to prove. I am capable of tackling any goal. So now what? Well what goals are truly important to YOU? Big picture, in a bubble, nobody elseís opinion counts.

What would make Shelly happy in 1 year, five years, 20 years? Focus on what gets you there and the other stuff will cease to matter.

damncutekitty posted 10/30/2013 15:03 PM

My friend who runs marathons goes to stretch classes and gets massages after races. It's mostly about being kind to your body, but I bet it helps with post-race letdown.

She11ybeanz posted 10/30/2013 15:40 PM

My friend who runs marathons goes to stretch classes and gets massages after races. It's mostly about being kind to your body, but I bet it helps with post-race letdown.

I do have a really cute masseuse guy friend that has offered to give me a post-marathon massage.....might take him up on that?

What would make Shelly happy in 1 year, five years, 20 years? Focus on what gets you there and the other stuff will cease to matter.

What's weird...is that as far as long-term goals go right now....I just want to raise my daughter to be happy and healthy......slowly get myself out of debt..... and just live a nice happy boring life! I know that doesn't sound like much.....but I don't have any serious long-term goals besides maybe running some more bucket list marathons.....maybe get my CPA license when she gets older..... write that book I never got to!

That's all I ever wanted with my XWH.... that American Dream Boring white picket fence 2.5 kids lifestyle......work full-time....come home to a simple yet sweet home......a loving husband or partner and 2 kids.... Piper and the other one that I haven't had yet... and a cat that adores me....

Is that so much to ask?

alphakitte posted 10/30/2013 16:58 PM

.slowly get myself out of debt

This can be the root cause of anxiety, and justifiably so. It limits options and opportunities. It can be energy draining and distracting.

Crescita posted 10/30/2013 17:03 PM

What's weird...is that as far as long-term goals go right now....I just want to raise my daughter to be happy and healthy......slowly get myself out of debt..... and just live a nice happy boring life! I know that doesn't sound like much.....but I don't have any serious long-term goals besides maybe running some more bucket list marathons.....maybe get my CPA license when she gets older..... write that book I never got to!

Shelly, those goals sound just right. Take care of your little one, and make a plan to get out of debt, thatís it. Let go of some of the things that might detract from your main goals and keep your eye on the big picture. The sense of contentment will creep up on you as you progress.

Debt was a big obstacle post D for me as well. I lived in denial for about a year, and then realized it was something I needed to, and could, get a handle on. Look at all the little things and see how they add up. See if there are any corners you could cut to give yourself more wiggle room.

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