Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Shutting down

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

crazyblindsided posted 10/30/2013 13:27 PM

What do you do when you start shutting down in R? It's like I am thinking of what I should do every day. Should I stay, should I leave? I don't know why I cannot just accept that my WH is doing good right now. We are able to discuss the A rationally. I guess I just feel disgusted again. I love this man but I hate him. This cannot be healthy can it? What do you do when you feel like this? I just want to go home and crawl in bed and never wake up. Help!

cluless posted 10/30/2013 13:31 PM

You're not alone! I FEEL EXACTLY the SAME way. It's not comfortable loving/hating the same person pretty much at the same time.

I wish I could answer your question, but one thing I'm doing personally is working on myself and not worrying about what WH is doing anymore. Time will tell, so you do love him, so I suggest just stay with it and see what happens.

toughernow posted 10/30/2013 13:31 PM


I hear ya!
Feeling exactly the same way today. Just so sick of all the crap, there just seems to be an endless supply of it.

I wish I knew how to get off this ride.

It is a small,but sad, comfort to know there is some other beautiful soul out there feeling the same way.

PhoenixRising88 posted 10/30/2013 13:44 PM

You guys are in my head, I swear...

It hit me like a thunderbolt just the other day, almost two years from DDay #1... OMG My H is my single biggest trigger...How do you deal with that? How do feel love and want to try to stay together and at the same time every time you look at him or he speaks you relive what he did to you??

crazyblindsided posted 10/30/2013 13:49 PM

OMG My H is my single biggest trigger.

Me and my WH just had this conversation yesterday. In fact I was in tears asking him to tell me how to make it go away.

He said to me if I make you this sad, angry and upset why would you still want to be here with me?

I couldn't even answer him

Jrazz posted 10/30/2013 13:51 PM

What you're going is a very well traveled part of the years-long rollercoaster.

Don't panic when your outlook feels like it's shifting out of your control. Try to look at the events as they unfold in the moment.

It sounds like you've reached the Plain of Lethal Flatness - right on schedule at just over a year out.

Take the pressure off your shoulders to have an answer. As your anger and incredulity subsides, a kind of depressed acceptance starts to creep in. The good news is that with a FWS that is willing to keep doing the work, there is every chance in the world that you will come out of THIS emotional phase with a new kind of hope.

Don't give up. You're not alone - your feelings sound so very familiar to me and to a lot of other veterans here, I suspect.

Working on yourself is an EXCELLENT way to pass the time as you work towards a better space.

crazyblindsided posted 10/30/2013 13:57 PM

It sounds like you've reached the Plain of Lethal Flatness - right on schedule at just over a year out.

a kind of depressed acceptance starts to creep in.

Thanks Jrazz what you wrote makes so much sense. Yes I must be in the Plain of Lethal Flatness.

It seems to be bothering my WH quite a bit because he keeps asking me what is wrong and I am just really sad and depressed and just feel like I need to get through it. It obviously comes from what he did and when i bring it up, well I guess he thinks I am torturing myself when it is part of the process. It's making him depressed too. Ugh

blakesteele posted 10/30/2013 14:01 PM

Hugs to all...right there with you guys.

Jrazz thanks for chiming in.

This started about a month ago for me.....completely numb last week.

It, like the other new to me emotions , is becoming comfortable. Kind of like $3 a gallon gas....I can remember how shocked I was the first time it took $100 to fill my suburban I don't even blink an eye.

I am hopeful this won't sustain itself like $3 a gallon gas has....but I am okay with it for now.

God be with us all.

PhoenixRising88 posted 10/30/2013 14:03 PM

He said to me if I make you this sad, angry and upset why would you still want to be here with me?

I couldn't even answer him

YEP...We've had the exact same talk, followed by H looking very very scared and saying 'now I'm REALLY worried we won't survive this"....

topperoff22 posted 10/30/2013 16:02 PM

I am so there. He keeps sending me a text to say he loves me and I have to push myself to remember the good stuff so I can send it back.

Bikingguy posted 10/30/2013 17:34 PM

At just shy of 10 months I am right there. Indifference is one word I might use, but anger and disguist are still present.

I sort of thought it was my way of dealing with the highs and lows of the roller coaster. WW is doing pretty much everything she can, but I feel like I am holding back more now than I might have in the first few months.

It's that stranger period, where I have nothing new to ask. And even if I did it is likely that she "won't recall". So what's the point? I don't bring it up ofter I as I feel pretty numb to it all.

I do think I am approaching "acceptance" but not that her A accured. Acceptance that this might be as good as it gets.

crazyblindsided posted 10/30/2013 18:22 PM

Acceptance that this might be as good as it gets.

Yeah I wonder this too.

UKlady posted 10/31/2013 09:00 AM

Wow! - I keep writing this word today!

Haven't been on SI in quite a while, started a new thread today and find out that it seems I have reached this Plain of Lethal Flatness and now, while I'm browsing through older threads, I find this one and on it people feeling exactly like I am too!!

I don't really know why I even thought that what I was feeling was 'odd' and I'm so glad I cam back to SI today!

((crazyblindsided)) - thank you for starting the thread - your title made me take notice because I've been worried that I've started to do the same, a kind of 'shutting down' but reading others' responses and finding out that this is a pretty normal/common phase has really helped me.

rachelc posted 10/31/2013 09:06 AM

I love this man but I hate him

OMG! I sent this exact text to 4 of my girl posse last night- as we just can't get on the same page about talking....

I'm ready to say: you know what, you are good in bed, you make a shit ton of money, so this will work out. I'll just get a bunch of girlfriends for my emotional support because you are incapable of being there for me.


rachelc posted 10/31/2013 09:07 AM

Acceptance that this might be as good as it gets.

me too. so sad. dreams crushed.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.