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wonderingbull posted 10/30/2013 14:40 PM

I called it quits with KD on Sunday evening... There were some incompatibilites that I just couldn't work through...

I'm pretty even keeled and her going from way up to way down, flat out wore me out...

She'd would occasionally make very biting comments in public to me that were completely out of line... I would describe it as simply being mean for the sake of being mean...

When her visitation with her grand daughter would get messed up and her stress would rise I'd do anything and everything to support her decisions... She'd just be a bitch to me and then pay lip service with a weak ass apology the next day....

I also got completely worn out with her talking about her ex husband all.... the.... time.... It was simply relentless

Over all, it was a good year... We had some very good times together but you know when it's over and it was over for me...

This Saturday should be interesting... My niece is getting married and she was her pediatrician and her mom is KD's best friend... So, I'll be dressed to a T and enjoy the reception with my giant family and friends... KD will be there with her son...

I'm sure there will be some interesting moments... No one in my family knows we aren't a couple anymore and she's been a participant in family events for decades...

Over all... I'm feeling relief... Ya know when you feel like you need to watch what you say and what you do most of the time? Not quite eggshell walking but getting there? That's where I was at...

I'll miss some things about her but there are a lot of things I certainly will not...

Onward and upward!

WB

[This message edited by wonderingbull at 2:42 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

Crescita posted 10/30/2013 14:55 PM

(((WB))) You seem to have a healthy attitude about it.

Newlease posted 10/30/2013 15:09 PM

I feel like it's been rocky for you for awhile. You haven't really mentioned her much since your breakup and then getting back together.

You sound like you are at peace with your decision. And I know you have a good group of friends that you didn't let go of just because you were in a relationship.

You will be ok.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

ajsmom posted 10/30/2013 15:15 PM

You gave her tons of chances to hear what you were saying. It'll be her loss.

Though do keep us posted about the wedding.

AJ's MOM

cass posted 10/30/2013 16:04 PM

It's been coming for a while. I'm so sorry things didn't work out but glad you are at peace with your decision.

Life is too short to waste anymore time on her. Her issues are hers to deal with. You will be fine.

Love to be a fly on the wall at that wedding!

(((WB))

cayc posted 10/30/2013 16:14 PM

I'm sorry to hear this, but grateful to hear it too since I'm in the midst of a break up for much of the same reasons (the emotional swings, being the target when emotions are black, modifying my comments/approach to avoid the potential for anger, as in not quite eggshells but yet ...). And I'm sad and feel guilty but at the same time, feel lighter than I have in awhile.

So I get it. Have fun at the wedding! Are you going to wear shorts?

wonderingbull posted 10/30/2013 16:34 PM

My friends noticed because I stayed later at happy hour....

She came out to happy hour about once a week early on and then not so much... She doesn't have friends like I have... The concept is foreign to her... She knows how to be married... Except for her ex-sister inlaw... She has no friends or circle to do things with...

I really believe the shitty comments she makes to me infront of others is because her ex did that to her and although I never heard her I'll betcha she partook....

As happens in the SI collective we figure it out...

People are like onions... It takes time for enough layers to be peeled off before you can see someone for who they truly are...

As we say around her... It's all in the actions...

Me?... I'll do what I did after the ex and I split... I'll go on a couple of cool trips...

*Don't you worry ajsmom.... I'll post about the wedding... This is a huge event... 200-250 people... My family alone will probably be 30-40... I want everything to be cool and it will be...

WB

wildbananas posted 10/30/2013 16:49 PM

Yep, it sounds like it was indeed time... you sound like you're in a good place, which is great.

Onward and upward!

The other WB

wonderingbull posted 10/30/2013 16:55 PM

cayc... Yep... I've been reading about your road... Ya know, at first it was a quirk, then a habit and then utter and complete bullshit...

I'm a good looking successful guy... If I want to meet women to date I will... Right now I'm going to bask in my single maleness with no bullshit...

I became a lot less tolerant of lousy behavior during the ex's A... I refuse to have toxicity in my relationships...

I hadn't thought about shorts..

She always loved it when I got dressed up... Because of my work I'm a relaxed casual guy mostly shorts in the summer and blue jeans in the winter...

Dressing up is like a caterpillar to a butterfly thing with me... It's a profound difference... I'm very comfortable because I wore suits every day for work for decades...

I've got this beautiful Halston classic gray wool suit she hasn't seen... Fit's me like a million bucks... I've probably owned 50 plus suits and this one is the best I've ever had...

You talk nice to a guy that's dressed like that... I guarantee it...

WB

persevere posted 10/30/2013 19:16 PM

You sound good wb, and it sounds like you've given it the time to make peace with your decision.

Hope the wedding goes well. Just keep the focus on the bride and groom - hope it's a beautiful wonderful day for them. And I'm sure you look amazing in that suit.

heartbroken30 posted 10/30/2013 19:19 PM

Glad you are at peace WB. I felt the same relief when I ended my last relationship in March. Here's to a great new beginning!

hexed posted 10/30/2013 19:26 PM

((WB))

The mere site of eggshells is enough to make me run. Glad you were able to make a decision that is good for you.

phmh posted 10/30/2013 19:44 PM

(((wb)))

Glad you're doing well.

From what you've written over the past year (she hung up on you!) I think you're making the right decision.

Have a great time at the wedding!

FaithFool posted 10/30/2013 19:52 PM

Want to see a pic of you in that suit.

hexed posted 10/30/2013 20:14 PM

Yes...definitely suit pics WB. You're gonna do great. With that many people you can have a good time w/o dealing with her.

kernel posted 10/30/2013 20:43 PM

You sound very comfortable with your decision - onward indeed. No one deserves to be treated so poorly by the very person that professes to love you. Hope the wedding, snazzy suit and all, is a lot of fun for you and your family.

NaiveAgain posted 11/1/2013 10:02 AM

I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but when it ends and you feel relief then you know you've made the right decision.

She sounds like she had some toxic behavior that she wasn't willing to really work on. I know at this point I wouldn't stick with someone that made mean or biting comments about me in front of others...there is no place in a healthy relationship for that type of behavior and it doesn't matter what her reason is for doing it. Any problems should be addressed in private between the two parties. I feel it shows a lack of respect for the other person and you can't have a good relationship without respect and certain boundaries.

her going from way up to way down, flat out wore me out...
Yeah, that would wear anyone out unless they are the type that needs constant drama in their life.

It will be an adjustment, and I'm glad you are taking some good memories away with you.

wonderingbull posted 11/1/2013 10:48 AM

Heading over to her place to pick up my stuff and leave her key... She's at work so thankfully there will be no drama...

It's a bit odd after a year of us dating and doing things together and now finding a new normal...

I do know this... Being single will be one hell of a lot cheaper... She liked to eat out 5,6,7 nights a week and I'm not talking Micky D's....

I bought every plane ticket, every hotel room and even a beach house for a week... Lordy...

This is a perfect example why you don't get married or move in together quickly....

WB

[This message edited by wonderingbull at 10:50 AM, November 1st (Friday)]

ajsmom posted 11/1/2013 10:53 AM

She liked to eat out 5,6,7 nights a week and I'm not talking Micky D's....

I bought every plane ticket, every hotel room and even a beach house for a week

Yikes!

Talk about one-sided.

AND you had to hear about her ex over and over and over...

I think you AND your wallet will find this break exhilarating!

wonderingbull posted 11/1/2013 11:05 AM

I think you AND your wallet will find this break exhilarating!

My wallet is already relaxing... She would buy a dinner here and there but when it came to the really expensive places she enjoyed it was all on me...

My ears have so enjoyed not hearing her ex's name over and over and over and over again...

WB

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