SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

coldshot posted 10/30/2013 16:55 PM

I posted a brief summary of my story a while ago. Two days after D Day I hired a PI and started my own evidence gathering. I now am confident as is my attorney that I can prove my STBXWW's adultery as well as her exposure and involvement of my DD6. We are going to try mediation but her expectations are unrealistic and she is quite deluded and hostile. I don't have high hopes.
If we do go to court I am hoping to protect myself from paying lengthy SS and keep her POS from my DD. Adultery can actually bar SS in our state. Just wondering how your experience was in court and would love some tips or advice... Thanks in advance, and thanks to all of you for your stories. This is a safe and welcoming place.

Nature_Girl posted 10/30/2013 17:31 PM

Adultery made no difference whatsoever during my divorce trial. The judge didn't care and didn't want to know. My only benefit was that I proved he gave money to OW, so I was awarded half the amount returned to me (will be done during the QRDO process) since that money was considered a marital asset (and the judge rightly presumed I would not consent to giving OW money.

Merlin posted 10/30/2013 18:10 PM

If you are in a no-fault state, proof of infidelity is pretty pointless

Bebba1171 posted 10/30/2013 18:10 PM

I live in Western Kentucky, and caught my wife using my Garmin GPS Watch hidden in her vehicle. I knew exactly where she went after work for several days, what time, how fast she drove, etc.

I did not divulge how I caught her. I just told her that even though she said that she had not seen the doctor in months, I knew she had been at his house for an hour twice in the last three days and how she had gone there via back roads and driven very fast when she left both times.

She thought I had hired a PI! That watch was the best 150 bucks I ever spent!

She admitted a few days later to our children what she had done in one of the worst scenes ever.

In the town I live in, if the spouse has any kind of a job; there will be no spousal support.

My attorney sent her a questionnaire with specific questions about her relationship with the slimy doctor she used to work for and the answer to all the questions was something like " since I am withdrawing my request for spousal support, I decline to answer this question"

The adultery never came up in court and my attorney instructed me to not mention it during the trial.

We went to trial since she was delusional as well and was spurred on by the aggressive attorney she hired.

It was ugly, and I pretty much won on all counts.

Mediation for us was not that helpful. She and her lawyer were in another room and the mediator had to go back and forth which wasted time but allowed the mediator and attorneys to bill more time.

She was more delusional than hostile, but some of the items were beyond reasonable and left me bitter towards her. I had a little over a year of Child Support to pay and then I was done with her.

She did get a sizable amount of money out of my 401K, savings, etc, and I had to buy her out of her half of the house.

Fortunately, I remain debt free since I was always a good saver and a lucky investor.

Should you want to discuss, send me a PM and maybe we can message, text, or talk sometime.

Holly-Isis posted 10/30/2013 18:40 PM

Adultery can actually bar SS in our state.

I wish this was universal.

Best of luck to you in this!

Bigger posted 10/30/2013 19:23 PM

Just a hint regarding “evidence”.
Evidence needs to be gathered legally. For example; Bebba’s (excellent) trick in hiding the Garmin would probably not be admissible in court and could actually harm his case if used. He would have to find some plausible reason for why the unit was in the car and probably show that his wife could be expected to know of its presence.
However…
If he used the gps info to establish a pattern (at OM house Mondays after work and Friday mornings) he COULD simply be in the area for some reason and by “coincidence” see WW car parked in the driveway. Or he could feed a PI with the info, thereby minimizing the time and cost of using a PI.

Tripletrouble posted 10/30/2013 19:32 PM

It depends not only on your state but your county. My attorney told me the evidence I had was not the letter of the law in my state, but more than enough in my county. An attorney that practices in your jurisdiction can give the most accurate advice.

LadyQ posted 10/30/2013 19:44 PM

My attorney told me that I would practically need pictures of them in the act to make a case for adultery. I was not interested in seeing any of that so, I just filed "the marriage had become insupportable". Not exactly how I wanted it entered, but in the long run, the only verbiage I really cared about was "granted"!