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WS affection for mother of his child

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plainpain posted 10/30/2013 22:17 PM

We are doing very well in R, but there is one very large hurt looming in the not so distant future since OW is apparently pregnant with his child. He loves me, he is absolute NC with her, and I have complete confidence that she really did mean nothing to him.

We have not determined yet what kind of relationship, if any, he will have with OC - assuming paternity tests come back confirming.

My question is this: Will the fact that she is the mother of his child cause him to have an affection for her that he did not have before? I have given up on the idea that he will ever hate her or even think badly of her. He takes full responsibility for the A. He is the quintessential KISA, and I can't imagine how he won't have some kind of real concern for her well-being - maybe even some 'gratitude' for having his baby. Barf.

I'm terrified for him even to see a photo of her with OC - especially if it looks anything like him.

He is a wonderful, loving father; as much as he says he doesn't want to be 'daddy' to this child, I have a very hard time believing that he won't want to be a big part of its life after it becomes reality.

The largest part of our R is possible because I know that I was not in competition with her for his heart. Knowing that I am the mother of his children gave me so much comfort - knowing that whatever else he did with her, or shared with her, she could never say that. Now it feels like there is nothing left that she hasn't had - nothing but his name and his broken heart.

For those who have been through this, or something similar, did WS develop an affection for OW that wasn't there prior to OC? Is it possible that I am actually in more danger now of losing his heart than I was when the A was going on?

Jrazz posted 10/30/2013 23:26 PM

Hopefully people will be along with experience soon. I have none, but considering FWH had unprotected sex with COW, these thoughts did jog through my mind. I think the short, not-exactly-helpful answer is that you're not going to know how this is going to all shake out until it happens. I don't envy you, but I have read many stories of BS's who were surprised to not only survive the event of an OC, but find a way to integrate the situation into their marriages and lives that left them feeling ok. It's definitely survivable.

If you haven't already, please check out the OC thread in our ICR forum.

There are a lot of stories in there, and people who have been in your shoes.

Sending big hugs.

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