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Our 12th Anniversary

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lilflower1000 posted 10/30/2013 23:02 PM

This Friday will be the second anniversary we will celebrate since d-day. It will be our 12th anniversary. At the onset of this week, I was thinking angry thoughts. You see, last year on our 11th anniversary he walked out on me. It was 3 mos after d- day and he had assured me that he was not seeing ow any more. Of course this was a lie. He even wrote a no contact letter a few weeks prior that he showed me and said he would have friend give to her ( I know, I was a bit gullible back then. It is amazing how much I have learned since then) . Anyway, I had cooked a special dinner and got the kids to bed early, so we could have a romantic dinner.
He brought home a rose for me ( not quite sure what that was about) and after having dinner, informed me he would be leaving. He would be going to his friend's house. However, no matter how many ways I asked, he assured me he was no longer seeing the ow. I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep that night. My then, 11, 8 and 5 yr old children heard me crying. The next morning I woke to a HUGE poster they created. It said "Mom is Cool" and they taped a chocolate bar to the center of the poster. I still have the poster. I am getting it framed and it will be permanently hung in my living room as a reminder of the wonderful kids I have and that we can survive anything together.They also brought me breakfast in bed that day and took care of their infant brother, changed his diaper and brought him to me to nurse.. They were consoling me when it should have been me taking care of them.

So I was thinking that it would be appropriate to honor my kids on this day. I was also thinking of hurting him. I was thinking of taking them out for a night of fun and not telling him anything and not answering the phone etc.. Give him just a little taste of his own medicine... Okay.. I'm not doing it.. Just one of those thoughts. However, as I write this, I have decided that, I think I will make the day after our anniversary a special day that I celebrate w/ me and the kids .. Hmm need to come up with a catchy name.

Anyway, he continues to be perfect in every way. Since right before Thanksgiving of last year, he has been transparent and a perfect husband in every way. He came home yesterday with a new motorcycle for my anniversary gift. He said he couldn't wait to give it to me. He has always been like that about gifts.:-) The best part was for me that I really saw in his eyes how sorry he is for hurting the kids and me as badly as he did.

Anyway.. I am hoping thanksgiving will be a turning point, as it is one year since he decided to stop screwing me over. Begged forgiveness and came clean about everything.

[This message edited by lilflower1000 at 11:41 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

womaninflux posted 10/30/2013 23:14 PM

You've got great kids. It's really hard to fool kids - they KNOW when something is up long before you do. At least this was my experience with my H's long term affair.

I remember DD I was upset and my 6 yo daughter brought me little dixie cups of water in an effort to soothe me. Even now, almost 8 months out from DD, my son will hug me and tell me I am the best mom. It's like he knows I might need some extra love. The kids know we are seeing a counselor to talk about our problems and they know Dad is sleeping in another bedroom. We're a lot more straightforward about things with them. Oddly enough, I think this experience is making us better parents. Let me clarify - I will NEVER be happy that I have gone through this in order to become a better parent…I can definitely think of easier ways of achieving this.

lilflower1000 posted 10/30/2013 23:50 PM

Womaninflux, I agree.. We do not give kids enough credit. When push comes to shove they will surprise you. My 11 year old boy really stepped up to the plate. I did not cry in front of them or anything, but he would just tell I was upset by the look on my face and say, " Mom, why don't you go relax, I'll make supper..or I'll help sister w/ homework.. All of the kids would make these types of comments. It brings a tear of joy to my eyes thinking about it.
The simple little things they do mean so much.

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