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Double the Insult

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riseabovedbl posted 10/31/2013 04:03 AM

Caught him in July this year. Sloppy with his e-mail. When confronted he immediately started this tale about how he was suicidal and having affairs with prostitutes was just part of his master plan to put him over the edge and kill himself. SUCH BULLSHIT! Oh, I immediately made him seek medical intervention, and to this day he still clings to his suicide story, but I don't believe it for a minute. So not only do I have the damage of a cheating husband, who cheated with paid whores, but he wants to cry about his depression too. Oh Boo Hoo! I don't even begin to know how to deal with this level of stupid.

jjct posted 10/31/2013 06:53 AM

Ugh! So sorry you had to find us here.
The way to deal with that level of stupid is to not deal with it.
You turn to your healing, paying attention to yourself.

You cannot fix him, and if he insists on maintaining a fantasy - a manipulative fantasy to boot! - you just move on with yourself.
The sooner you can stop trying to reason with that level of insanity - the more sane you will be.

Please read up and study the 180
http://survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11

It is for you and your healing, not to manipulate him 'back'...

Have you been tested for STD's?
Talk to an attorney too - free consult. Get to know your rights.

jjct posted 10/31/2013 06:56 AM

Adding
Your best "go to" saying right now - to avoid being caught up in his histrionic drama is;
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
(& then leave the convo)

Lalagirl posted 10/31/2013 07:48 AM

((((riseabove))))

jjct has some very good advice. Especially this:

You cannot fix him, and if he insists on maintaining a fantasy - a manipulative fantasy to boot! - you just move on with yourself.
The sooner you can stop trying to reason with that level of insanity - the more sane you will be.

It's time to implement the 180 - for YOU.

You did the right thing - he cried suicide, you had him seek medical intervention. If he plays this game in the future, call 911.

I'm so sorry you have had to join this club but glad you found us - welcome. We'll be here for you every step of the way.

HardenMyHeart posted 10/31/2013 08:16 AM

Welcome to SI. So sorry for what you are going through.

who cheated with paid whores, but he wants to cry about his depression too.

I don't know your WH, but these could also be symptoms of bipolar depression. Whatever the problem is, I hope the medical intervention can help. It certainly sounds like he needs individual counseling (IC).

Skan posted 10/31/2013 11:32 AM

Well, color me cold, but if he threatens it, call 911 and have him hauled away for a 72 hour evaluation. If he wants to whine about it, tell him to google Painless Suicides, read the instructions, and quit crying to you about it. And 180 him. The vast, vast majority of people who whine about it, have no intention of actually doing anything about it they are just trying to manipulate you. Don't let him even think that this is a tactic that has any chance of you engaging. (((hugs)))

LMomof2 posted 10/31/2013 11:46 AM

DOn't get sucked up into his bullshit. My WS pulled the same suicide story when after my Dday. Through emails, he told me how his life was over and how he wanted to die and was going to find a way. When I didn't respond, he spun another tale of how he was drugged by the ONS and she assaulted him.
Too many lies and I feel the same way you do....how stupid he is but he thinks that I am that stupid to believe him.
I filed for divorce...can't wait to be rid of him.

riseabovedbl posted 10/31/2013 18:27 PM

The 180 took place the moment I found the e-mails. and Yes, we have both been tested. (neg) He has done everything asked of him, no resistance. And I have been very unforgiving, no get out of jail free cards. Willful deception is no accident, and I can't find a reason to take him back. Bit by bit as each day passed and I gained more understanding of the depth of damage the broken pieces of my heart just fell away and scattered to the winds. For all he has done to try and repair over the last 3 months, I just feel nothing.

NeverAgain2013 posted 11/1/2013 10:48 AM

I don't even begin to know how to deal with this level of stupid.

Oh, I do.

But unfortunately, it's illegal in all 50 states.

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