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User Topic: It's the unguarded comments that slay me
♀ 38619
Member # 38619
Helpless  Posted: 6:00 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DD7 took my fWH's craziness very hard. She stopped sleeping. Started wetting the bed again. Became clingy and depressed.

In the last 7 months of true R she is gaining back her confidence and trust in her father, however, every now and then she will say something that shows just how deep the pain goes for her. Tonight we are planning to go trick-or-treating with a friend of her's and his father. DD is a planner, like her momma , so at 5:15 AM, she's up and asking who will be going out with her and who will be staying home to dole out candy.

Honestly, I just assumed that since her friend's dad is going it would be my fWH that takes her around the neighborhood. DD wants me to take her and this is her reason, "Momma, you have to take me trick-or-treating because I know that, even in the dark, you will always be there for I won't be scared." I kissed her on the head and then cried in the shower.

Now the question is do I tell my fWH about this or just keep it between her and I?

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 440 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so painful.

Although you may want to protect his feelings, he needs to know that this is how she feels.

If it were me, I would want to know so I could get my ass in gear and fix it asap. Nothing worse than a little girl not thinking she can count on her daddy.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♂ 40639
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he's emotionally stable and emotionally available, you should tell him. He needs to know. He should know how the hurt effects others and how his daughter feels at times. I agree with Karma, she's his daughter regardless and he needs to know what to fix.

dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
♂ 17484
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aww that's so dang hard...
I agree with karma - when he hears that - and I hope he gets it, I pray he will double-down on his efforts to restore trust and safety with her...(& you)...

Posts: 7268 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
♂ 27650
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he heard her say it to you or she said it to him, then I think it could be a real honest reality moment for him. Hearing it from you, I think it is much less so. With working towards R and 7 months under your belts I do not see ti as being particuarly helpful.

My advice is a little different, but I would say only tell him if you routinely share the positive things too.

In fact, maybe you can help work out a mid-ToT rest stop at the house to unload bags and have fWH take her out some while you "rest" and hand out treats. Let her see the two of you working together and cooperating.

Have a good night.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 7:35 AM, October 31st (Thursday)]

dday 10.5.09

Posts: 4173 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 5

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