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UKlady (original poster member #39058) posted at 12:35 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
I haven't been reading or posting on SI for quite a few days now. Like others here I sometimes find it counter productive and quite a trigger BUT at other times it's a true God send and I really need to feel that others share and can empathise with my feelings.
So we are just a few days short of 10 months from Dday and the path has been so difficult. I have to emphasise just how hard my WH has worked since then - his own journey through IC has thrown up some awful FOO issues which he has really dealt with and he has been completely supportive, patient, sympathetic and everything else he should be while dealing with my break downs.
But now, I'm feeling 'weird' - not a good descriptive word so I am trying to explain that weird and hoping some others will know what I mean.
The word 'ambivalent' has come to mind and I'm not feeling comfortable. My emotions do tend to by cyclical depending on the time of the month and I can recognise when a bad time is coming. I try hard to resist that journey downwards but it often just takes me with it. So I've been on the downward slide again and got through it (in the form of lots of crying, asking the same questions over and over, talking into the wee hours of the morning etc) but now I'm not sure how I feel. I haven't been able to really respond physically to my WH this month, kind of feel a bit 'meh' - does that mean anything to anyone? We've experienced amazing HB in the early months and when we are intimate it is totally amazing but right now, for the last few days I just feel blank.
Can anyone relate?
Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 12:47 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
I think you might be talking about the plain of lethal flatness?
Read this and see if it fits at all.
(((hugs))) It really is a roller coaster, don't be afraid of your feelings, they are never "wrong"
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/lethal_flatness.asp
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
Blobette ( member #36519) posted at 12:49 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
Karma -- you beat me to it! I had just copied the very same link! UKlady, as with so much, you need to ride this out. What you feel today is not what you'll feel tomorrow. Or maybe it will be... In either case, it doesn't necessarily mean a lot.
Good luck
BS (me): 51
WS: 52
Married: 27 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R
UKlady (original poster member #39058) posted at 12:51 PM on Thursday, October 31st, 2013
Gosh - wow!
I have heard that term but never looked it up - so maybe this is it!
Thanks guys - I knew I'd find people here who could help. I feel so blessed (ironically of course) to have SI.
Hugs to us all! x
Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.
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