Topic: Running out of gas
Member # 39885
| Posted: 9:36 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
I'm so tired. Everything hurts. I keep reaching and searching for strength. I don't know how much more I've got. I literally feel like im on empty She will close on the refinance soon. I have so much left to do. I just want to rest.
Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.
Posts: 794 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Member # 37895
| Posted: 9:41 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
I know. This process sucks the life out of you. I would rest, drink water and do the necessary things that you have to do. Anything that can wait can wait. Let all the other stuff go. I've cut right down on house and yard work, I do what is necessary. I haven't even gone to the car wash for weeks. Who knows if I will send Christmas cards this year or do much more than buy gift cards.
I will get caught up when the time is right.
All I can say is that I feel exhausted but people here say it gets better when the divorce is final.
Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.
Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 33226
| Posted: 9:55 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
((((sunsets)))) Make self-care a priority again while you are weathering these busy days.
You can call me NIK
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Posts: 29008 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 41124
| Posted: 10:09 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
Sending you strength and support.
I remember one of the most difficult parts of this process for me was moving out of the marital home. I felt completely lifeless. It was emotionally draining and physically demanding. I look back and I have no idea where I found the strength.
Make your health and care your number one priority, then go down the list of what absolutely must get done. Can you reach out to friends or family to help you with day to day activities? I was floored by the support that I received when all I had to do was ask. People brought me lunch, took me to the store, helped me frantically move, etc.
Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
Member # 31528
| Posted: 12:59 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
Posts: 38669 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 21634
| Posted: 1:14 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
So sorry you are so tired. This is just gruelling. Stay strong.....one day at a time. One day forward is one day in the right direction!
Sending you strength!!!
BS - ME 43
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"
Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
Member # 40268
| Posted: 1:25 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
This might sound silly but when I find myself slipping and wanting to give up , I read my journal and I listen to my wedding song , I recreate the pain so it can propel me through the next steps. It is probably not what the doctor ordered but it works for me. I enter anger again and it fuels me !!!! I wish you all the best in this horrible life draining process but if you stay focused you will be fine.
"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"
Posts: 784 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Member # 14003
| Posted: 1:38 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
There were times I was so exhausted I didn't know how I could keep going. Not only did I divorce an emotional/physical abuser and cheater, but he'd also turned into a crazy stalker who started harassing me at work/home. He'd show up at my house, follow me to the store, called me at work 2000 times, etc...I didn't have a moments peace for almost 2 years.
I eventually started giving myself pep talks. Sometimes I couldn't focus on tomorrow. Sometimes it was just about getting through the next hour...two hours...etc. Every morning I looked in the mirror and told myself "I can do this". I also did that when I would hug or kiss my son. It was tough, but I made it. You will too. Have faith in that.
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.
Posts: 14052 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 37898
| Posted: 1:43 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
I know just how you feel, Sunsets. It is a death of sorts, but worse in a sense, as there is no "final" death; instead it feels like endless dying, endless grieving.
But I am trying to look at it like this: All we are feeling is the ending of something. What we are not yet experiencing is the "second half" of this equation--a beginning of a new life. It is harder to feel that which is not yet happening (our future, our new life); it is much "easier" to feel the pain of the past, since it is what we do know.
If that makes sense.
Sending you empathy and strength.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
Posts: 1760 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 32258
| Posted: 3:05 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
Take care of yourself first and let all unnecessary or less critical stuff fall by the side. You can go back and get that stuff later.
The closer you get to the end the harder it gets. You have been climbing for a long time. When you finally get to the end you can coast down the other side at your OWN pace.
BH = Me
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!
Posts: 1999 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 23989
| Posted: 3:13 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
Me - happily single
Him - no longer matters
Married 28 yrs
Filed for D 1/10
Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.
Posts: 1780 | Registered: May 2009 | From: East Coast
Member # 35229
| Posted: 3:18 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
Its the roller coaster brother. Peaks and dips.
What I've learned is that I don't always need to be strong and there there is a strength in vulnerability.
With time and work the dips happen further and further apart and don't last anywhere near as long.
Anger is a great fuel but it is also exhausting.
You've come so far - take a moment to look back on how far you've come. Give yourself a hug for how amazing you've been throughout all of this.
You've so got this.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Posts: 5881 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39193
| Posted: 6:07 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013|
I so relate to this post. I have been in that dark, empty spot not so long ago. It feels like a hole you can't dig out of, and the harder you try the deeper you sink. It sucks.
If I'm being honest I have to admit I did allow myself the wallow there, though I couldn't for long because like you I had things I absolutely had to attend to. But allow yourself what time you can. Rest at the bottom of that hole, let the dust settle, gather yourself and then push off strong... and you will come out of it feeling better. Like others have said, when you do find strength spend it on necessities only. Postpone things that aren't urgent, prioritize and get support for the ones that are.
One thing that helped me was realizing how much stronger I am than XWH. He could NEVER survive 6 mos and counting on his own; he's never done that in his entire life! He can't bear to be alone, hence the overlapping relationships.
It helped to realize that even on my weakest, tired-est, darkest day, I am STILL 1000x stronger than the "man" I was married to. The empowerment of that realization has helped me keep going through a lot of moments when I just wanted to quit.
Hang in there.
Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
Posts: 1261 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
|Topic Posts: 13|