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Newest Member: lostsoul8008 (61557)

User Topic: Mediation advice?
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

(Sorry for the double post outside my usual thread; just want to get this out there for maximum exposure.)

Our first mediation is tomorrow. It is only for my Orders for Temporary Relief:

-Exclusive rights to and possession of marital home (which she moved out of a year ago but comes and goes as she pleases)

-Fixed time sharing schedule with children (she makes it up on her own week-to-week and frequently changes it)

-Majority time sharing with me

-Spousal support

-Child support

-No contact with affair person (too late)

I expect she will concede none of the above.

We will be in separate rooms. My attorney has already told me if this is clearly the way it is going--impasse after impasse--we will stay the minimum time, two hours, and then we are gone.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Posts: 2066 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let your attorney guide you.
Don't back down on the things that are most important to you.
Do not sign anything without making sure the language is detailed and correct.

Good luck!

Me - 45
DD(24), DS(21, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

Posts: 9966 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here and There
♀ 35288
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^This. And remember that it's the mediator's job to get you to both come to an agreement. They are not necessarily going to make suggestions that are in your best interest (if they make suggestions at all). DO NOT CONCEDE! Go to trial if you have to. Whatever it takes to get the results you want.

Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You won't get no contact with the AP. That is a given. If the children have not met the AP, you might get a "no third parties" rule, but it is difficult to enforce AND you would be bound by the same rule. I tried for a "no overnights with third parties" but since he had already had her overnight with them present, it wasn't going to fly.

One of you should get exclusive possession of the marital home with reasonable access by the other party at mutually agreeable times to collect personal possessions.

A schedule is a definite must. Kids need predictability and regularity.

Listen to your attorney. You don't have to agree to anything on the spot. You can take things under advisement. You should also make any agreement on a point contingent on the final agreement. Get the important stuff done first, which imagine is the schedule


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 31277 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 28376
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to mediation on most of those things you have listed. My attorney said we went to mediation so that when we go to court to have the judge decide that we can tell her/him that we already went to mediation and we are at an impasse.

DO NOT CONCEDE! I have been to mediation 3 times; especially over the kids' schedule because he wanted them more because he didn't want to pay CS! We had to go back because I did not agree.

We took the mediator's notes to court to prove we went and ultimately the judge gave me custodial parent.

If I heard during mediation that WH was not going to accept my terms, I used vague terms like "I guess so" or "maybe".

Be careful, that mediator will push you to agree; not necessarily to what YOU want, but just to agree.

They will say "ADad, now don't you think that sounds better than what you came up with?", etc. Stick to your guns!

Mediators want you to get as much down on paper as possible, but have no real bearing in court.

In the end, you decide what you want and don't want. They take notes and submit them.

Me: 45/WH (SA): 49
M: 26 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce halted

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 15088
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My attorney informed me that once I agreed and signed off on something, it was extremely difficult to go back to the courts to have it changed. I don't know if all states are this way, but this alone is a good reason to know what your willing to bend on and what your not.

Good luck!



~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown

Posts: 2200 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 6

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