This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.
pretty much everyone in R can relate to it.
This ride is the most terrifying and nerve wracking one I've ever been on.
One of the hardest things about R is that pesky things like...oh, life...doesn't stop. Life is complicated in itself. Work, school, kids, family, vacations, death, sickness, holidays. Throw in an R'ing couple in quicksand and it stays interesting.
Learn how to talk to your spouse. Communication is key. Talk. About everything. Don't guess, assume, or "think". Discuss it. I used to think we talked. Ha! We were both talking, but it was completely different languages. We could scream our thoughts, but we weren't hearing one another. Not till we chose to speak in the same language. Then it was a light bulb moment. Ohhhhhh, that's what you meant!? Well why didn't you just say so!?
I have a feeling my H is also struggling with this although he doesn't say much, but it's wearing.
You may be right. You may be wrong. In my case, QS is a stuffer. Stems from a lovely thing called FOO. Anyway, he would stuff it all down inside. Still does sometimes. I knew something was up, but if he chose not to tell me, I couldn't pry it out of him and it just made things worse when I tried. The hardest thing for me to do was let go. To keep working on me, and do my best to be a safe place for him. Nine times out of ten, he would eventually warm up and come around. But he did it on his timeline. Not mine. I had to get over myself and realize he has to heal the way he needs to heal.
Let him know that you're available for if/when he wants to talk. Sure our husbands should "know" that. But tell him. It actually helps. We're all confused and over-analyzing and trying to figure our husbands out. They're on the other side doing the same thing. "Do I talk to her? Do I tell her about this trigger? Will she get defensive? I don't want to open this wound up to her. She gave it to me. She might hurt me again. What did that sigh mean? Is she tired of my moodiness? She rolled her eyes. At who? Me?"
Be open. Be gentle. Be communicative.
And don't forget to hang on. There's a few vertical loops coming your way. Don't wanna fall out of the roller coaster.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne