What kind of men regularly, I mean regularly visit porn sites? Like every day. I am asking you guys cause he is so good at making me believe whatever, that I am honestly not sure what is right and wrong at this moment.
If he watches it rarely and you are still the center ofhis world then it's not a big deal.
If he watches with you, to kind of spice things up in the bedroom, and you are comfortable with that, then it's not a big deal.
IF he watches it to get himself in the mood, and then comes to find you, and makes you feel special, and you have a great time being intimate then it's not a problem.
HOWEVER - for many men and women, it is difficult to walk that line, and can be a slippery slope if you are one that is prone to addiction issues, and there must be a firm understanding that what is done, performed, acted out in Porn is not the real world, and any expecation that it is is unacceptable.
I am struggling with my dh's porn use(his secret use), and it's effecting our sex life. He's clearly got addiction issues, but the vice just keeps changing.
Together 17 years
Two great kids.
He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to
It's like a criminal - a thief! Don't let your valuables hanging around ...
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
My H would be the first to say that porn was hugely damaging for him in terms of how he viewed me as a woman, and just women in general. He has chosen not to watch it anymore.
If only my H and many others could come to this conclusion.
I used to not care- for us porn wasn't a problem until it was, if that makes sense.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
You will get a lot of different responses to this, but in my opinion there is no normal with this. If he is viewing porn instead of making you a priority it's a problem.
Just wanted to second this.
While I flat out think that the sites dedicated to disseminating false information about the effects of pornography on the brain are actually more damaging than porn itself for the majority of the media consumer base, it is like anything else in life - when it becomes a problem it needs to be shelved.
While there are some people who can knock back large quantities of booze daily and not succumb to addiction, it's probably a really bad idea to trust a recovering heroin addict alone in a bar.
This is my view today. For 30 years I believed differently.... This is how long I have viewed various porn.....playboys at first then movies then internet. My wife knew about it, watched some with me, shared society's view that "men use porn ...it is normal and as long as it doesn't replace sex with your wife you are fine.".
I see the damage porn has done to me as well as my relationships.
I am porn-free today. The first month was difficult.... But each subsequent month was easier. After that first month I felt so so so much better..... Like I actually was "whole" feeling again.
As my wife and I visit truthfully and radically honestly about our M we view porn as it is.....the first opening two lines of my post here describe how we BOTH view it.
I believe it is important that husband and wife are in agreement on most sexually related items..... But do contend that even if both wife and husband view porn together it is damaging....it is unhealthy.
I know that goes against society's view on porn.... That if both spouses are cool with it that no harm is done. I happen to view porn like I do meth....it is harmful no matter how many people think otherwise.
I also realize this is a 180 degree difference in me that occurred almost over night relative to my decades of feeling otherwise.
"Every Mans Battle" was a book that changed my life..... I found it on my own, my wife did not demand I stop viewing porn , this was a choice I made after searching myself for that which was immature, broken inside me.
I can not express the sadness my ignorance and choices have created in me. I am using this pain to mature and grow. I am concerned about my daughters, my nephews, and all children . Porn is free and instant....something like 90% of all kids will view porn (intentional or by accident) before age 17.
That is a very dangerous statistic .
God help us all.
A long time ago, I busted my stbx going to strip clubs. Strip clubs were an absolute no-no in my book. Stbx tried to sway me with the "the other guy's wives didn't care" argument. I told him that I didn't give a shit if every single other woman on the planet was *ok* with strip clubs. *I* wasn't and he was married to me and *I* said "no fucking way."
Don't compromise based on *comparisons.*
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Porn is as addictive as heroin.
His use of porn as a quick release turned into visiting nasty chat rooms and talking to porn chicks while he was doing it on my couch. I even found evidence that he would hook up his laptop to our 55" TV in the living room and do live chats with some of these chicks while me/kids were not home.
Three out of four of his actual As were started over the internet. Pictures of his dick, pictures of their parts, sexting, video chatting, all of it happening in my house and I didn't have a clue. I found it all after we separated. And I was floored! I really just thought he was watching videos - like in the old days when we used VCRs. I had no idea how interactive he was being.
While we were separated, he started waking up about certain areas of his life, including the use of porn. He had stopped doing it before we got back together. It is also a condition of R. There can be absolutely no porn use in my house. One baby step in that direction has the potential to derail our entire reconciliation. Fortunately, he understands and continues to choose me over porn.