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How do you feel when you think of your song? When it begins to play in your head?

For me, I can go through periods of time when I'm glad the WS is moving out...when I think about what he's done and how long he hid it from me, and how perverted and sick it was...

But then again, when I think about the lyrics to our wedding songs (we couldn't decide between two, so we danced to both at different points during the reception), I feel like curling myself up into a ball and weeping until I have no more tears. Over the years, we used to sing those songs to each other, especially the second one.

I still love him!!!!!

Oh, and I just stumbled across a folder that was full of anniversary cards and little drawings and love notes from him. I thought I had found all that already and removed it, but no...

So now I'm a blubbering mess again.

((marlie))

I'm so sorry you're hurting.

I'm not sure of your situation but mine had no hope of R, so when he moved out I put all the cards, love notes etc in a folder labeled "lies you told" and packed it with the rest of his stuff. I knew I would torture myself with that stuff if I kept it. If you don't feel able to get rid of those things, pack them up and give them to a friend for safekeeping, so you won't torture yourself when you're having those down moments.

Of course you still love him. Because your love was real. It was sincere and your whole heart was in it. The wedding songs hurt because you meant your vows, even though he didn't. I felt the same way. Finally I had to realize that the man I thought I married, the man I loved with all my heart, simply didn't exist.

Sending you strength and courage. Hang in there.

(((((marlie2014))))) If those songs pop into your head, try to sing another song outloud to drown it out. Make sure you know in advance which song you are sing to take your mind off the hurtful songs - that way you will be ready when they pop in your head. How bout "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"?

Triggers are very, very hard to avoid no matter what. With time, they will effect you less and less.... doesn't help you now, I know, but it does get better, slow but sure.