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User Topic: The OW Who Never Was
♀ 10468
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always thought of this one particular woman as an OW. Back when I was into counting them she was one of the 5 or 6 or 7 that I knew about. I avoided her at the grocery, looked for her car before I'd go in. I missed events because she might be there. I would shake if I saw her driving down the road. You know, the typical response to an OW. Yet she wasn't. She was just someone from his past who had slept with him on the first date, a very admirable quality in his opinion

She attained OW status shortly after d-day 1 when I bluffed him into telling me that he had been "sniffing" around her trying to get laid. He claimed she never went for it but it was still a huge embarrassment to me. Extremely humiliating. I had put 2+2 together with some hindsight and realized that every year or two this woman would make contact with someone I knew to see if he and I were still together. Seems she wouldn't sleep with him again unless he and I were no longer together.

D-day 2 came about because I had a GPS on his ass and found him driving by her house 2-3 times each day. He claimed he was just "re-living" the sex they had years ago. In his mind. Really? He expected me to believe that? Seriously folks, the gps clearly showed him just driving by. He never stopped, never turned his car off. He might drive around her block 3 times a day - morning and night. It was crazy making shit. He was stalking her. Why the hell did I decide to try to R with such a person? Twice? Because he was diagnosed SA and was getting help. He "loved" me. He would "never" do anything like this again. It was a "mistake".

I left him several months ago. We still share an office while we are trying to untangle our business affairs. Just 4 days ago I see her name pop up on caller ID. I know him. He's looking for the easy lay. He's looking for his next woman. He's found a way to make contact with her.

I wanted to warn her. She was one of the only women who refused to sleep with him while we were together. I decided that IF she was put in my path in the near future I would tell her the truth of how she fit into this drama. I owed it to her for respecting me. I would not seek her out but I said a little prayer that if the information needed to be relayed and if she was put in my path, I would say what needed to be said.

And tonight, 4 days after I said that little prayer, I'm at the gym - crossfit for those who know about it - the workout is over and we are on the mat stretching out when a woman walks up and says "Are you HTIL?" I look up and it's her. Now, I go to the gym most days at 4 or 5 but tonight I was running late and had to take the 6pm class. And there was my sign!

We talked. I told her that I knew about the contact he would try to make throughout the years. She said she thought it was completely random. I told her no, It was planned by him every time. I told her about the numerous drive by's. She said that was creepy. I told her that he admitted he was looking for the easy lay. She said she saw him recently while doing yard work - he had driven by. I told her he was diagnosed SA in 2005. She said she thought men only cheated when they weren't getting satisfied at home. I told her that some days he wanted it 7 times, he was plenty satisfied at home. She told me she is moving in with her fiance' in a few weeks. They've been together 6 years. I told her I am so happy for her, he sounds like a nice guy. She told me she called the office to see if we were hiring because her son needs a job. I told her I had respect for her because she didn't take him up on any of his offers. She told me that she wasn't the kind of woman who wanted a taken man. I told her I knew he had been sniffing recently. She told me that if she was single she probably would have hooked up with him now that we are apart.

It was closure of sorts. She's no longer one of my OW's. She's been warned. He's obviously told her some things about us that aren't completely accurate. I told her some things about him that are

Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6747 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
♀ 37439
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 40139
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is awesome.

Me: Believer, 40s
Him: Liar, 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R. It only hurts now when it rains.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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