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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: he fooled me
brknwmn
♀ 40603
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so i though WH was a FWH...i had all the passwords...blah, blah, blah...but yeah he pulled the same crap. nothing physical this time but started texting again. i immediately called my dad and he got me and my baby boy a plane ticket straight home.

so now i get to start over...plan of action: get a job, get back in school to do get into a PA program, and be happy taking care of my baby boy.

is it weird that i only cried once? when he hugged our son goodbye...i wasn't sad for me...just him. that my sweet innocent baby will now add to the statistic of young broken homes.

ugh...i wasted 8 years of my life...my son is the best thing that came out of it.

STBXH knows we are getting divorced so how long should i expect this process to be?


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read your profile. I'm so sorry you find yourself here. My stbx also cheated on me before we got married and I also "thought" we worked through it but 20 years later, he cheats again with the same person.

I don't know if it's "weird" that you only cried once. Maybe you are still in shock? Infidelity takes you a crazy ass roller coaster ride of emotions. Whatever you feel is normal and ok.

As far as your question, will it be contested? How about assets (home, car, savings, 401)? Child support? Visitations? Spousal support?

It's been over a year from dday for me and almost a year since he was served and I am not even CLOSE to divorce. I was told it may take between 6 - 9 months but it's looking more like 12 - 18 months (but this is because I married an idiot). I hope that is not the case for you.

Hugs to you and your baby boy. You will find a lot of support and advice and encouragement here. Take care.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2299 | Registered: Oct 2012
brknwmn
♀ 40603
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe i am still in shock. i just can't let my baby see my cry. he's been ripped out of his home and keeps asking for his dad (he's such a daddy's boy) and i just have no choice but to be strong...i'm hoping there's not a breakdown around the corner.

STBXH is a sex addict and has said to me that he know's our son will be better off with me right now. He is an amazing father (a SHITTY husband but great dad) and I don't want to keep our son away from him. I am happy to have him in our son's life.

we've already figured out the car stuff. we were renting our house so that's easy...and we have separate bank accounts. (one of my paranoid ideas bcuz my parents had a crappy marriage and shared accounts so i saw how tricky that all was). as far as spousal support i know that i'm young but i've been working and taking care of myself for over 10 years so i have no need for him to take care of me. just our son. (i have a savings account set up for him that he can put $$ into but not take out not that he would)...i don't know...i'm just so tired.

this isn't how i saw my life at 26 years old...f***ing sucks


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Timing for the divorce depends on the state as well as the individual facts of your case, like dmari said. Mine was final about 4 months after filing, as that's the mandatory waiting period in my state.

I know it sucks, but on the bright side, you are only 26 and haven't wasted a lifetime with a cheater. I know that there is a fabulous new life out there waiting for you and your son once you get through this process and heal. Some day in the future, you will realize how lucky you are to be free of him.

They always say that it's better to come from a broken home than live in a broken home, and I believe that to be true. Also, as long as the child has one good, stable parent (you) he'll be fine.

I'm sorry you had another D-Day (but don't beat yourself up; that seems to be more the norm than the exception) and I know you're hurting now, but it will get so much better. Promise.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3465 | Registered: Dec 2011
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((brknwmn & DS)))) I'm so sorry, honey. What a disappointment.

The support from your dad is a wonderful thing. So glad you and DS are back home where you've got family to support and help you.

I don't think it's weird that you haven't cried yet. You are in action mode - making a plan, getting your ducks in a row, taking care of business. Gently - the lows will come. They are inescapable, unfortunately.

But you have tremendous strength, honey. You'll survive the lows, make it through the challenges ahead of you, and build a strong and happy future for yourself and your boy. Promise.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26151 | Registered: Aug 2011
brknwmn
♀ 40603
Member # 40603
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But you have tremendous strength, honey.

thank you. i needed to hear that.


They always say that it's better to come from a broken home than live in a broken home

this i know to be true. my mom stayed bcuz she had 3 kids and had no one to help. (and so did STBXH's mom) so i've seen the affects of staying in a broken home and don't want that for my son. i have tons of help and support plus this as a great outlet right now.


Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 6

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