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he fooled me

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brknwmn posted 10/31/2013 23:45 PM

so i though WH was a FWH...i had all the passwords...blah, blah, blah...but yeah he pulled the same crap. nothing physical this time but started texting again. i immediately called my dad and he got me and my baby boy a plane ticket straight home.

so now i get to start over...plan of action: get a job, get back in school to do get into a PA program, and be happy taking care of my baby boy.

is it weird that i only cried once? when he hugged our son goodbye...i wasn't sad for me...just him. that my sweet innocent baby will now add to the statistic of young broken homes.

ugh...i wasted 8 years of my son is the best thing that came out of it.

STBXH knows we are getting divorced so how long should i expect this process to be?

dmari posted 10/31/2013 23:54 PM

I just read your profile. I'm so sorry you find yourself here. My stbx also cheated on me before we got married and I also "thought" we worked through it but 20 years later, he cheats again with the same person.

I don't know if it's "weird" that you only cried once. Maybe you are still in shock? Infidelity takes you a crazy ass roller coaster ride of emotions. Whatever you feel is normal and ok.

As far as your question, will it be contested? How about assets (home, car, savings, 401)? Child support? Visitations? Spousal support?

It's been over a year from dday for me and almost a year since he was served and I am not even CLOSE to divorce. I was told it may take between 6 - 9 months but it's looking more like 12 - 18 months (but this is because I married an idiot). I hope that is not the case for you.

Hugs to you and your baby boy. You will find a lot of support and advice and encouragement here. Take care.

brknwmn posted 11/1/2013 00:13 AM

maybe i am still in shock. i just can't let my baby see my cry. he's been ripped out of his home and keeps asking for his dad (he's such a daddy's boy) and i just have no choice but to be strong...i'm hoping there's not a breakdown around the corner.

STBXH is a sex addict and has said to me that he know's our son will be better off with me right now. He is an amazing father (a SHITTY husband but great dad) and I don't want to keep our son away from him. I am happy to have him in our son's life.

we've already figured out the car stuff. we were renting our house so that's easy...and we have separate bank accounts. (one of my paranoid ideas bcuz my parents had a crappy marriage and shared accounts so i saw how tricky that all was). as far as spousal support i know that i'm young but i've been working and taking care of myself for over 10 years so i have no need for him to take care of me. just our son. (i have a savings account set up for him that he can put $$ into but not take out not that he would)...i don't know...i'm just so tired.

this isn't how i saw my life at 26 years old...f***ing sucks

phmh posted 11/1/2013 07:06 AM

Timing for the divorce depends on the state as well as the individual facts of your case, like dmari said. Mine was final about 4 months after filing, as that's the mandatory waiting period in my state.

I know it sucks, but on the bright side, you are only 26 and haven't wasted a lifetime with a cheater. I know that there is a fabulous new life out there waiting for you and your son once you get through this process and heal. Some day in the future, you will realize how lucky you are to be free of him.

They always say that it's better to come from a broken home than live in a broken home, and I believe that to be true. Also, as long as the child has one good, stable parent (you) he'll be fine.

I'm sorry you had another D-Day (but don't beat yourself up; that seems to be more the norm than the exception) and I know you're hurting now, but it will get so much better. Promise.

nowiknow23 posted 11/1/2013 08:33 AM

((((brknwmn & DS)))) I'm so sorry, honey. What a disappointment.

The support from your dad is a wonderful thing. So glad you and DS are back home where you've got family to support and help you.

I don't think it's weird that you haven't cried yet. You are in action mode - making a plan, getting your ducks in a row, taking care of business. Gently - the lows will come. They are inescapable, unfortunately.

But you have tremendous strength, honey. You'll survive the lows, make it through the challenges ahead of you, and build a strong and happy future for yourself and your boy. Promise.

brknwmn posted 11/1/2013 09:49 AM

But you have tremendous strength, honey.

thank you. i needed to hear that.

They always say that it's better to come from a broken home than live in a broken home

this i know to be true. my mom stayed bcuz she had 3 kids and had no one to help. (and so did STBXH's mom) so i've seen the affects of staying in a broken home and don't want that for my son. i have tons of help and support plus this as a great outlet right now.

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