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When someone sends you a FB friend request

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JanaGreen posted 11/1/2013 08:18 AM

Can they see YOUR profile?

I can see HER profile, she can't see mine, right?

Background:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=512015&HL=29341

I am still tempted to send her a message, which I haven't. But I haven't blocked her. I can see everything on her profile.

She really put herself in a bad position sending that request. I can sit on it indefinitely, which I am sure will drive her nuts, and look at all the crazyass shit on her profile page.


SisterMilkshake posted 11/1/2013 08:41 AM

I am really ignorant when it comes to FB, jana. Sorry I can't help.

I think if you put your settings that only friends can see your profile, that they won't see anything unless you accept them as a friend. IDK, though, for sure.

I don't feel it would be wrong for you send her a message. Just simply say that neither you or your husband or interested in ever having contact with her. What message did you want to send?

JanaGreen posted 11/1/2013 08:54 AM

I want to ask her what her deal is and what she's trying to accomplish by reaching out to me.

At first I wanted to blast her but the urge has passed. She didn't really do anything wrong last year, it was on my husband. He initiated contact with her, and their correspondence wasn't emotional, flirty, or sexual. Honestly if their interaction wasn't one of many for him last year, some of which WERE flirty/sexual, I wouldn't think much of it.

But the fact is that she has twice reached out to me via social media. What's her deal? She doesn't know me.

Almost12Years posted 11/1/2013 09:03 AM

I thought I remember hearing that when someone friend requests you that they can then see your profile/activity - but I could be wrong about that. I like the idea of just leaving her hanging :) but it may not be worth the risk..

Kierst13 posted 11/1/2013 09:15 AM

***warning, this post is coming from my cynical/jaded side***

Could she have information about your WS she feels you need to know about? Could she have heard or learned something from the grapevine she believes you need to know?

The curiously dead cat in me would have to make contact to see what she is up to, but I'm not pretending that is the best advice.

hummingbird8 posted 11/1/2013 09:19 AM

Both sure but I don't think they can see your stuff if they send a friend request. But I do think if you send messages back and forth they can? Someone else may be better help though.

JanaGreen posted 11/1/2013 09:27 AM

Kierst, I don't think that is the case. The reason she's blocked from my H's account is that she started "liking" everything on his page, including pics he posted of ME and when he changed his relationship status back to married - she "liked" that! It's been a year. She sent me a linked in connection request, she sent me a FB friend request. She could have sent me a message through either of those sites but has not at this time. I don't think she has some insider info. I think she wants a window into his life and is in some sort of denial about her own motives, believing that she is sweet and helpful and innocent.

SisterMilkshake posted 11/1/2013 09:35 AM

Well, jana, I don't feel it is wrong of you to have a conversation with this person. She wasn't an OW and simply seems to want to be friends. Maybe she is confused as to why she was blocked? I don't feel you need to be friends with her, but if you want to know what her deal is, ask her.

Kierst13 posted 11/1/2013 09:38 AM

I agree with SMS, since she is not an AP I think it would be Ok to ask what is going on. Perhaps she is socially awkward and doesn't see what she is dong as strange.

JanaGreen posted 11/1/2013 09:41 AM

I agree with SMS, since she is not an AP I think it would be Ok to ask what is going on. Perhaps she is socially awkward and doesn't see what she is dong as strange.

She is DEFINITELY socially awkward. My H has told me that. My SIL (husband's sister) thinks she's got a few screws loose, and that she's just weird.

I'm kind of torn about her, because while she wasn't an AP, I do feel that her corresponding with my H was strange. HOWEVER she didn't know everything that was going on. All that he told her is that he was getting divorced. She didn't know any of his dirty deeds.

Ugh. I don't know. It would be easier if I could just think she's an evil conniving bitch. But I really think she's actually lonely and pitiful.

Kierst13 posted 11/1/2013 09:44 AM

Ugh. I don't know. It would be easier if I could just think she's an evil conniving bitch. But I really think she's actually lonely and pitiful.

Evil would be easier, but remember that a lonely and pitiful person can be as dangerous or more dangerous to a marriage.

I hope you find answers.

trumanshow posted 11/1/2013 09:44 AM

Doesn't it depend on your settings?

JanaGreen posted 11/1/2013 09:45 AM

Thank you kierst.

The thought of corresponding with her is making me shaky and nervous, so clearly I'm not ready to do it. I need to be calm. So I will just sit on it for now.

Softcentre posted 11/1/2013 09:48 AM

If you message her back, she will be able to see some of your profile etc for a limited time. I'm not sure how much or for how long

BeyondBreaking posted 11/1/2013 09:57 AM

No, she can't see anything that is only for friends on your profile. The only thing she can see is anything on your profile public (status updates marked as public, I think cover photos are public, and your current profile picture). Double check what all she can see by going to privacy settings, choose the view as public option and then update as necessary.

If she friend requests you, you can see her profile. I would sit on it indefinitely. Drive her crazy

painfulpast posted 11/1/2013 10:05 AM

I also heard that if you friend request someone that is set to 'private' that you can see their profile, friends, etc.

If your profile is set to private, just ask one of your friends. Unfriend them, validate that they can't see your items anymore, and then have them send you a friend request. See what they can see after that.

Good luck, and please let us know what you find ;J

LivinginLimbo posted 11/1/2013 10:11 AM

When you look at your privacy settings, there should be a link to click where you see what others can see on your home page. (Obviously, friends see everything. This is for non-friends.)

JanaGreen posted 11/1/2013 12:17 PM

I just noticed she has 677 facebook friends.

Maybe she really DOES friend request everyone.

Rebreather posted 11/1/2013 12:52 PM

I was thinking that, Jana, that maybe she is just a friend collector. If she has no boundaries or concept thereof, of course she'd be interested in the wife of her old friend. Innocent. Just stupid.

Or as you were saying above, maybe she's conniving and pathetic. Or lonely and evil. There could be a mix in there. I'd have a problem not poking at her, honestly.

Scubachick posted 11/1/2013 13:15 PM

. I can sit on it indefinitely, which I am sure will drive her nuts, and look at all the crazyass shit on her profile page.

she can cancel the friend request and you'll lose access to her page. I think it sounds like she wants to be your friend. Liking pictures of you on your husband's page, is probably her way of trying to show you that she is not a threat. I could be wrong though...does she know for a fact that you know who she is? I'm facebook friends with the woman my husband had an EA with. His was more one sided too. I don't think she was interested in him at all. She liked the money he gave her and the special privileges that came from being close to the boss/owner of company. I have her blocked from some personal and family photo albums on FB .

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