Hi, Velvet. My first question would be what is he doing to work on things? How is he when he's around you?
It can be really easy to focus on the best possible result and fuel your way on hope. I know for myself, when I'm away from WH, I think of all the good things, of all his best progress and important things he's said. I focus on the best picture possible of him and us and where I hope we're going. I spend a lot of time researching and finding more information to help us achieve that.
Then, when I'm around WH, often he's disconnected or consumed with things on his "To Do" list. Those chances to really connect - all those times that we had connected, memories of which I'd carried around in my mind like precious jewels all day - don't play out. On good days, we connect and all the optimism and hope that propelled me through the day get recharged. On bad days, when circumstances (or choices) get in the way, I feel like a good part of my day was a fraud. That I'm playing some naive imaginary game with myself.
When we are coming out of a situation like being betrayed and our trust and optimism has been horribly damaged, all those times where it feels like the WS isn't making as much effort to find those connection and growth times are terribly triggering. Normal effort in the relationship (if there is such a thing) just doesn't fly in such an imbalanced situation. Special effort and looking for places to heal and grow are essential.
It sounds like you are doing that. So I'll ask you again - what is HE doing to find those times? Is he making your time together rewarding and fulfilling? Is he still that guy who caused you all that pain?