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IC doesn't believe me?

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chinup posted 11/1/2013 10:07 AM

Went to IC yesterday's and I really think she doesn't know what to do with me. I pour out my troubles that have been bottled up since last posting in SI or talking to my best friend once a week. She says , "I don't know how you handle the stress," or "you seem so traumatized" from everything. When I talk about my WHs behavior she says, "but you're already so traumatized," like she thinks I'm seeing things in situations that aren't there because of the past.

I told her about how SI and the support here , and she says well we need to get you eyeball to eyeball suppoirt . Great , is she available 24/7? She doesn't offer any solid advice . Just keeps saying at the end of my sessions that we need to get me some help. No time in session ever to talk about what that means and not scheduled for another week and half.

I told her I feel I am ready to confront or do something about this and she wonders if holiday season is best time? WTF? So I'm traumatized by what's going on but I should wait? No plan offered or advice , just but what about thanksgiving and Christmas? I said when is it ever a good time. I really think she must not truly believe my husband is really involved with anyone. Plus obviously WH doesn't care what time of year it is or the fact that he is married before doing what he is doing.

I told her I could definitely tell a difference in my husbands behavior from June when he jumped all in after our talk about our marriage where he still didnt admit to anything more than what I for sure knew already which was stuff from 2 years ago or more.

After our talk, he was so much more present with me, spending time together, hanging out with kids, helping around house more, which was a start. We didn't really talk about us though .

So after 2 weeks or so though I started noticing things. Of course I still never have had full access to his email or Facebook . These incidents that I keep noticing have just kept increasing until he is barely helping around the house again, very preoccupied, jealous of his phone , and sleeping half the week on the couch. That's just a small part of it. I will post some of the examples in another post.

I'm wondering though if it is time to change IC. This lady is nice but she's religious and I'm not anymore and she keeps mentioning wanting to bring more of that into play. She is csat for spouses but only LCSW. Says she specializes in affairs and I want to snidely ask if she specializes in pretend affairs, ones that people only think exist because they are so traumatized.

I had a different counselor a year ago and she was phd marriage and family therapist, believed every word I said but I wasn't ready for her advice which I think I am now so may see her again. It's just so frustrating !

nowiknow23 posted 11/1/2013 10:09 AM

I think you're right - it sounds like it may be time to change counselors, honey.


TrustGone posted 11/1/2013 10:17 AM

I would find a new councelor. If she is not helping you then you need to find one that is suited to your needs and who you feel comfortable with. Not every IC is right for every patient. (((HUGS)))

StrongerOne posted 11/1/2013 10:29 AM

What kind of training or qualifications does this "IC" have? Doesn't sound like much. She sounds like an ineffective friend, TBH.

Go to someone who you think will help you figure out what you need to and can do. Who will be willing to push you to do hard stuff.

And don't feel bad. People change IC all the time. There are really good ICs out there who are not the right match for a particular person. So, you find someone who is a better match.

Hugs, it is a drag to have to go thru starting over with a new IC, but worth it if the new IC really helps you.

Nature_Girl posted 11/1/2013 10:35 AM

You definitely need a different counselor.

chinup posted 11/1/2013 11:24 AM

I appreciate the validation. I'm just so grateful I can come here for support.

My IC is a llicensed social worker with specialized training in treating spouses of sex addicts, training in trauma and affairs. She sounds good on paper but in reality not so much. One week when I was talking to her she's like, "honey, can you hear what you're saying, what this sounds like?" Of course I do, it's twilight zone, alien abduction and Alice in wonderland . Ugh! She has this training I guess but hasn't dealt with a situation like mine or even close .

I hate having to switch IC again but it feels so pointless to go back. This place was even covered by my insurance . Other counselor is not and will cost a lot more but so it goes . I guess I will contact her this week and see what she can do to help.

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