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my H doesn't understand my triggers

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chipmunk41 posted 11/1/2013 14:08 PM

to give you some background...

When I found out about my H affair, he told me that he did things with the OW he "couldn't" do with.

Here a few things he mentioned

going to watch a movie
going to a Restaurant
touching/ holding Hands

Now that we are in the process of fixing things he would like to do these things with me. Well, not the sex part... yet.
I just can't do it. Whenever he brings it up, I think about " HE did this with her". It just causes me to trigger.
A little while ago we started to argue about this.
He said" I don't get this, why do you think of me and her if I am with you???" he also said that, HE is really trying to fix this whole thing but it seems that because of MY "triggers" I am the one not trying to fix it.
We just kept on arguing about this whole "trigger" issue.
I was getting so upset that I ended up crying...

Before my H walked away he said "So, this means that you never ever going to go to the movies or Restaurant with me again????"

Anyone else's spouse not getting the "trigger" thing...
man, I am so pissed at him!

stunnedin12 posted 11/1/2013 14:18 PM

Oh, I get it.

There are some things wh does that drive me batty. I have let him know it won't be happening with me for a good long time. P*ssed him off, but eh.

Time - give it time. I have reclaimed a couple of things, but others are still out there waiting to be reclaimed and/or made better. We'll see.

As far as the snarky comment by wh? I have been known to crawl all over wh backside when he tries to put his stupid back on me. If it's important to him, he'll keep on trying ---- even when I shut him down. He doesn't get to be snarky, he doesn't get to want me to "be over it".

One of the things I tend to do is to turn stuff back to him.
i.e....."So, wh --- let's say *I* was the one stupid enough to step out, AP and I went to eating establishment and you're telling me you want to go there now? Did you want to sit in the same booth? Did you want to hold my hands and play footsies? Did you want to sit BY me or ACROSS from me ?"

I lay it on thick. It sometimes helps him see that I am not being an emotional woose, but that HE needs to figure out new and better for US.

chipmunk41 posted 11/1/2013 14:25 PM

Thank's for your replay.

yes, it will take time. How long will it take? I don't know...

I have good and bad days... today is one of those bad days..

thank's for listening

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