IC = Individual Counseling
It's how most of us survive this giant shitstorm of betrayal.
Lawyer? YES. That's why I suggested you call Legal Aid or other pro bono group. Also, a women's shelter/domestic violence group can refer you to counselors and lawyers.
The women's resource center at a college can put you in touch with career counselors and others who can help you figure out WTH you're going to do with your life. Speaking as a SAHM, having to surrender the life I'd built and the life I thought I was going to lead and transition to a life I do not fucking want is a very bitter pill to swallow.
You sound like you are starting to wake up to your reality. I know it took me a long time to wake up. It's painful. It's shameful. It's horrifying. It's humiliating. But more than that? It's liberating. It's freeing. It's freedom. It's a second chance. Waking up from this nightmare is the same as the merry-go-round coming to a full stop with you next to the brass ring. You need to reach out and take it, take the second chance life is offering you.
Even now, I consider it a good day if I do just one measly thing to get myself further along this road of healing, authenticity and freedom. That's what you need to be focusing on, too. If you can manage one thing per day. Doesn't have to be a big thing. Just one positive step to reclaim your life.
And self-care is very important. You have to be a physically strong mama! So take your meds, they're going to help you. Take your vitamins. Take some time each day to just sit & love on your babies & let their innocent baby love just flow back to you & fill your heart. Let your mom mother you if she's the mothering type. Let people IRL (In Real Life) support you.
Do you make To Do lists? I know I am making progress when I can check things off my To Do list. Let's make a To Do list for you. You have some phone calls to make. You have some meds and maybe vitamins to take. You have some "self care" time to take each & every ding-dong day. You have to spend some time every day just talking to another adult. You need to think about what kind of job you should have, what kind of additional education you need to make an independent life for yourself. You need to move forward with the divorce with a lawyer guiding you.
When I first started with my IC she had me reading a bunch of books. I still am reading books she hands me. But back then she handed me a few which I think might have a few tidbits of helpful stuff for you:
Boundaries, by Cloud & Townsend
Codependent No More
The New Codependent
both by Melody Beattie
From this day forward your focus needs to be on YOU. You need to heal you. Get strong physically and mentally. You need to deliberately detach from your toxic husband. You need to get to a point - and it will take a while - in which you don't care if he fucks a zoo full of monkeys and zebras. He is a bad person and deserves no part in your life.