Hi, guys. Sorry, I've never done this before, so I'm not familiar with all the abbreviations and stuff yet.
I just need a place to vent because I don't know whom else to speak. Most of my friends are our common friends, and I don't want them to be forced to take sides.
My husband and I have been separated for almost a year. I'm bi-polar and had a pretty bad episode last year. In the height of my mania, I did things that hurt him, my family, and friends. The marriage couldn't survive all that stress, so he and I decided to separate.
Some time this year though, he and I decided to try fixing our marriage...soon. Not now, since we were both still hurting, but we agreed that we were going to do our best to get the marriage back on track.
What I did not know was that he was sleeping with someone else all this time. He told the girl that he and I were not getting back together--and he told me that he was only seeing her casually, that he still wanted to fix things with me.
Soon enough though, the girl and I both realized that he had been lying to both of us all this time. The girl had no idea that he promised to fix things with me, and so she left him. In my country, we have a saying that says panakip butas, literally, what it means is covering a hole. That's what he called her. So, in essence, he wanted her around in the meantime so that he could have someone to sleep with while he and I had not gotten back together yet. To her credit, she had enough self-respect to walk away.
Meanwhile, I'm left feeling used, confused, and very, very hurt. (The anger has passed.) We have a young daughter (turning 3 in a few weeks), and sometimes I wonder if he only wants to fix things with me because of her, not me. Like I'm being Jerry Maguire-d (if that makes sense). I still want to fix things with him, but now I don't know if he wants to fix things with me.
And I feel like a stupid nitwit, wanting HIM to come back when HE was the one who messed up.
Somebody please tell me I'm being stupid. Or, should I still just wait for him? I made a vow, and that sort of thing is a big deal for me.
I really don't know what else to do. :(
[This message edited by ThereIsNoSpoon at 8:45 PM, November 1st (Friday)]