SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We have been having issues with getting my mail forwarded to my new address. That is a long story riddled with USPS red tape in itself. But today I noticed there was a physical block placed in the old POBox. Had to talk to someone at the post office about something else and asked her what that physical blockage meant. She told me XPOS put in a temporary forwarding order. About fucking time! Seven months after leaving the state (avoiding bill collectors)!

OK. Some background XPOS was a seasonal employee at this branch last year and the person I was talking to knew him from that.

After telling me about the temp forwarding order she said, "hopefully he will be coming back." I then proceeded to tell her that he won't as we divorced and he ran away after being caught at latest OW's house. She had the deer in the headlight look. I then told her that he took his whore with him and they had their one year old to take care of. Yes, a baby he fathered while married to me (and not the first OC). Her jaw dropped almost to the ground and she stammered' "But he's not exactly young anymore." I said, "yeah, and apparently he is incapable of reading the directions on a condom as well." Then she asked, "You are happy and doing okay?" I said, "I am content and doing as well as expected after having almost 30 years stolen from me." She said, "Well good for you!"

That is the first person outside family and close colleagues I have told the humiliating truth to. I live in a small, rural community. I am sure XPOS's shenanigans will spread like wildfire. His reputation will soon be in tatters so he better not ever think about coming back (doubt he ever will).

I am just sick of everyone thinking he is Mr. Wonderful because he has so much charm and charisma (he really does, so couple that with being a pathological liar and it is a toxic combination). It is time for everyone to know that Mr. Wonderful is a sham, and I have no reason to be humiliated about the shit he chose to do! Fuck him! No more social protection from me out of embarrassment!

ETA: The miserable fucktwit puts that old address as the return address on the envelope with his child support like I don't really know where he is living. Idiot. He lives in a world of stupid, secret squirrel games...

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:32 AM, November 2nd (Saturday)]

(((Phoenix1)))

You are very brave.

I've struggled with this issue too. At first I felt too much shame to tell anyone outside my closest friends and family. But then when I started to reach out and tell my story to other trusted people, I learned quickly that most of them reacted with great empathy. A few pitied me, and that didn't feel very good to me. But I think that it's okay - it's all that they're capable of feeling in this time and place in their lives. It's more about them than me.

Here are the things that people have said that have helped me:

YOU didn't do any of this. Keep your head held high.

Nothing he does reflects on you anymore. In fact, nothing he EVER did reflects on you.

You have the right to tell your story, your truth.

I have no reason to be humiliated about the shit he chose to do!

AMEN! Hold your head high, Phoenix.

I think there are many complex emotions involved here. I almost feel that I have failed in some way: that I am disappointing those people who thought we were a great couple.

But the truth is the thing.

So I will not be going to my FIL's sister's funeral next week. I will not stand there and pretend to be happily married when the truth is that my husband is a serial cheater and we are getting divorced - WH hasn't told a soul.

The truth will set you free.

I am never afraid or embarrassed to take responsibility for MY actions but I refuse(d) to take any responsibility for xh's affair. His and ONLY his to own. And I do tell people we divorced because of his affair for two reasons: A. It's the truth. B. I think the more any of us do not tell what happened, the cheaters will continue to cheat and get by with it, i.e., little or no consequence.

Oh yes, and as NG said:

The truth will set you free.