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PhoenixRisen posted 11/2/2013 08:10 AM

so I just posted a few days ago about positive thinking and focusing on me, and my job, and my kids, and the future..

And generally I do a good job,
but this Halloween..... the kids were having fun T or Ting but then they asked to go by ex's gfs house nearby (I don't know if she was one of the many, many OWs...most likely she wasn't).
I tried to think it was no big deal, I'd wait on the street in the dark amid the dozen of other parents (really busy neighborhood for T/Ting).
Long story short, I said "sure" like it was no biggie, but after heading down a few streets they couldn't
remember which was her house (many cul-de-sacs all look alike). Then after I said "let's skip it, it's late" they responded with anger/crying. I'm trying to be clam and cool but I can feel my veneer start to crack as the hurt seeps in.

And, and this is totally me being jealous, her house (that neighborhood) is SO MUCH nicer than mine. I gave up a gorgeous marital home for a run-down old place, having been priced out of my former neighborhood.

Today, I'm looking around and see a whole that needs plastering, a faucet that needs securing, a fan that needs replacing the list goes on and one.

And I can imagine them going out the eat, seeing movies, laughing etc *sigh* (I need to clear those thoughts away). I guess I just miss having someone in my life, and I'm just feeling a little down having to do this house repair all alone.

but "chin up" right? I'm better off being and working alone then with ex as he would secretly sabotage my work (NPD), then belittle me for messing up, until I wound up apologizing for my "mistakes" and who needs that?
no one.

nowiknow23 posted 11/2/2013 08:34 AM

((((Phoenix)))) Aw, honey. I get this. Blergh.

Big hugs to you today.

thebighurt posted 11/2/2013 08:48 AM

You're absolutely right, sister!
Absolutely no one.
Absolutely no one needs that.
Absolutely no one deserves that.

We may face repairs and problems alone, but we no longer have the issues, the put-downs, the feelings of not being good enough, the feelings of not being respected.

I don't know if xpos is NPD or not, but I was often made to feel as you describe.

((((Phoenix and kids)))). I'm sorry they ended up getting disappointed and how that added to what you were feeling.

I don't have little ones but i totally get it. You are a good mom and a good person. Otherwise, you would not care. I didn't read your earlier post yet, but I hope you can get back there soon.

better4me posted 11/2/2013 14:36 PM

((PR)) it always seems to be 3 steps forward and two steps back for me on this recovery road. I find myself on the "feeling positive one day, feeling sorry for myself the next" roller coaster every few weeks...hang in there, this is life, sometimes it feels like this...

One of my friends used to call this kind of mood the PLOME'S --Poor Little Ol' Me's--we all get them sometimes and eventually they go away again...

missherlots posted 11/3/2013 10:27 AM

All the things with real value in life, can not have a price.

Your kids, your heart, your inner peace and most of all, you are alive for your kids! the rest is material stuff.

A rich heart is rich because the good actions, love, generosity, etc NOT because you live in a big house, or bank account, or fancy car, or good family name or cast.

the beauty of live is that everything changes and nothing is forever. that being said. Your sour moment will change before you know it. Impermanency is what keep me alive!

You may have love and inner peace with your kids, the rest is gravy.

My two cents