so I just posted a few days ago about positive thinking and focusing on me, and my job, and my kids, and the future..
And generally I do a good job,
but this Halloween..... the kids were having fun T or Ting but then they asked to go by ex's gfs house nearby (I don't know if she was one of the many, many OWs...most likely she wasn't).
I tried to think it was no big deal, I'd wait on the street in the dark amid the dozen of other parents (really busy neighborhood for T/Ting).
Long story short, I said "sure" like it was no biggie, but after heading down a few streets they couldn't
remember which was her house (many cul-de-sacs all look alike). Then after I said "let's skip it, it's late" they responded with anger/crying. I'm trying to be clam and cool but I can feel my veneer start to crack as the hurt seeps in.
And, and this is totally me being jealous, her house (that neighborhood) is SO MUCH nicer than mine. I gave up a gorgeous marital home for a run-down old place, having been priced out of my former neighborhood.
Today, I'm looking around and see a whole that needs plastering, a faucet that needs securing, a fan that needs replacing the list goes on and one.
And I can imagine them going out the eat, seeing movies, laughing etc *sigh* (I need to clear those thoughts away). I guess I just miss having someone in my life, and I'm just feeling a little down having to do this house repair all alone.
but "chin up" right? I'm better off being and working alone then with ex as he would secretly sabotage my work (NPD), then belittle me for messing up, until I wound up apologizing for my "mistakes" and who needs that?