This Topic is Archived
macakipa (original poster member #33735) posted at 3:41 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
...and I had been doing well.
I'm in a funk. The holidays are upon us and I am trying so hard to stay positive for my children. But, this is so hard.
This will be my first holidays as a divorced woman. It will be the first holidays that I will not have all of my children here on Thanksgiving and possibly for Christmas. I found out this morning from my oldest DD that my X group texted all 4 children last night asking what they were doing for the holidays and making his own plans with them.
Memories come flooding back...this hurts so much. 
M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."
PhoenixRisen ( member #35912) posted at 4:15 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
MakingLemonade ( member #41143) posted at 4:29 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
(((macakipa)))
I am sorry the anticipation of the first holiday season is painful. It's my first too and feeling the same way. Perhaps it will be helpful to have your own plans in place to look forward to? To help you look more forward than looking back. I started a thread - Tips for First Holiday Season for just this reason. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=512261
Grieving along with you,
ML
Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween
caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 4:47 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
(((maca)))
The good news about lows is that they are followed by an upswing.
Reading your post made me realize that this will also be my first holiday season as a DIVORCED woman. The last several I was single but enduring the painful drawn out scorched earth divorce from an idiot. So YAY for this year!!!
Feel free to join me on that party boat if you pass through the funk. 
The funk in the holiday season is NATURAL and COMMON. Be kind to yourself. Make plans for you. If anyone joins you? that is bonus. SI is always open.
Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012
IrishLass518 ( member #34373) posted at 5:15 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
(((Maca))) The 1st holidays are hard. Fill them with as much happy as you can. After you make it through the 1st it does get better.
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 7:22 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
I am sorry this is so hard.
I am 5.5 years out from DDay (can't believe so long!) and I was remembering the 2nd Thanksgiving after DDay and how an acquaintance invited me to join her family for Thanksgiving dinner. I am sure part of me was really sad that I didn't have my own family to celebrate with. My sister and BIL were with his family, and my mom was still living back east. Of course X and XILs were no longer part of the picture.
But it was a unique holiday and very special in its own way. I was able to connect to others in a special way. I think back on that Thanksgiving with great fondness and the kindness of this woman who later became a friend.
Amidst the sadness and grief, allow some space for being open to new connections with people, new experiences.
I think if no one invited me to join them, I would volunteer at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen. There are many many many lonely people worse off than me. Sad, but it puts things in perspective.
Big hugs....
BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 8:00 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
((Mac))
Also really hard for me. I normally spend the holidays alone or with a friend's family.
It's rough.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 8:42 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013
Blackhair ( member #39451) posted at 3:46 AM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2013
Hi ladies, I will join you guys here for sure!
It is my first holiday, newly separated, my mil does invite me over to spend holiday in Atlanta, but I am not sure I want to go, yes mil has been very supportive all long. She is awesome mil.
WS already ask me to watch 3 babies while he is planning his first Christmas to be with OW in Philippine, it hurts me to hear that but I guess nothing I can do....I have to learn to be calm/peaceful and accept it.....
Hugs to all brave ladies out there?
M: 10 years both late 40s.
3 Children
DDay: April 2013
Legally separated on Oct 2013.
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!
This Topic is Archived
