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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: Hit a low today...
♀ 33735
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...and I had been doing well.

I'm in a funk. The holidays are upon us and I am trying so hard to stay positive for my children. But, this is so hard.

This will be my first holidays as a divorced woman. It will be the first holidays that I will not have all of my children here on Thanksgiving and possibly for Christmas. I found out this morning from my oldest DD that my X group texted all 4 children last night asking what they were doing for the holidays and making his own plans with them.

Memories come flooding back...this hurts so much.

M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 543 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ 41143
Member # 41143
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am sorry the anticipation of the first holiday season is painful. It's my first too and feeling the same way. Perhaps it will be helpful to have your own plans in place to look forward to? To help you look more forward than looking back. I started a thread - Tips for First Holiday Season for just this reason.

Grieving along with you,

Me: 40's; XBS Him: 40's; XWS/NPD/SA
D-day 1: 5/2007- A #1; 7/2007 A #1 continued-R
D-day 2: 3/2013 A #2/multi-ONSs; 4/2013 A #2 continues to present
D: 7/2013 (25 yrs together; days shy of 22nd anniversary-GOAL MET!)
Our kids: teen & tween

Posts: 168 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southern US
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The good news about lows is that they are followed by an upswing.

Reading your post made me realize that this will also be my first holiday season as a DIVORCED woman. The last several I was single but enduring the painful drawn out scorched earth divorce from an idiot. So YAY for this year!!!

Feel free to join me on that party boat if you pass through the funk.

The funk in the holiday season is NATURAL and COMMON. Be kind to yourself. Make plans for you. If anyone joins you? that is bonus. SI is always open.

Me: 45, independent, happy, despite parallel parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 15 DS 12
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 7052 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Maca))) The 1st holidays are hard. Fill them with as much happy as you can. After you make it through the 1st it does get better.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry this is so hard.

I am 5.5 years out from DDay (can't believe so long!) and I was remembering the 2nd Thanksgiving after DDay and how an acquaintance invited me to join her family for Thanksgiving dinner. I am sure part of me was really sad that I didn't have my own family to celebrate with. My sister and BIL were with his family, and my mom was still living back east. Of course X and XILs were no longer part of the picture.

But it was a unique holiday and very special in its own way. I was able to connect to others in a special way. I think back on that Thanksgiving with great fondness and the kindness of this woman who later became a friend.

Amidst the sadness and grief, allow some space for being open to new connections with people, new experiences.

I think if no one invited me to join them, I would volunteer at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen. There are many many many lonely people worse off than me. Sad, but it puts things in perspective.

Big hugs....

BS, 56 years
D-day 6-2-08
D after 20 years
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

Posts: 6650 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Also really hard for me. I normally spend the holidays alone or with a friend's family.

It's rough.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9177 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 50946 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 39451
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi ladies, I will join you guys here for sure!
It is my first holiday, newly separated, my mil does invite me over to spend holiday in Atlanta, but I am not sure I want to go, yes mil has been very supportive all long. She is awesome mil.

WS already ask me to watch 3 babies while he is planning his first Christmas to be with OW in Philippine, it hurts me to hear that but I guess nothing I can do....I have to learn to be calm/peaceful and accept it.....

Hugs to all brave ladies out there?

M: 10 years both late 40s.
3 Children
DDay: April 2013
Legally separated on Oct 2013.
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 203 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 9

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