I need help from anyone willing to keep me from going back. This was at the suggestion of my counselor.
She suggested I reach out when I am tempted to call him or let him back to people that will give me strength to stay away. I have one friend who is willing to help that I can call but she also gives me a lecture that I am foolish so I am less certain I will call her.
I am still filled with hurt, anger, confusion and pain but I know one thing for sure I DONT WANT TO LET HIM SLIP BACK IN MY LIFE.
He has not tried to contact me other than acting as if nothing was wrong and texting me late one night asking me bring him his heating pad because his back hurt. REALLY. You just ripped my world apart and he didn't acknoledge my pain... he didn't apologize. He ignored me and then asked me to do a favor for him like nothing has happened. My counselor thinks he is a sociopath...a person who is unable to love, a person who shows no remorse because they have no conscience and one who is very impulsive. I have read alot on this personlity disorder and was shocked that it did describe him to perfection. So I know there is no chance of working it out but that doesn't mean my heart still doesn't pull me towards him.And this is also very common in relationships with sociopaths.... it creates a betrayal bond. And I must break free.
Shifting the focus from him to myself has helped me tremendously but I notice I slip back into obsessing about him - how, why and wanting to either hurt him or get him back.
SO I am listing what I am doing to focus on myself and what I will do when i start to lose focus on myself.
I am going to remove all items belonging to him today from my home and throw them away.
I am going to rearrange my bedroom and get rid of his dresser and all of the empty things that once held his belongings.
I am going to start volunteer work in a local food pantry to keep myself from sitting home alone sad and to keep from developing bad habits like hanging at a bar to not feel sad and alone.
I am going to church tomorrow even though I have no religious beliefs at this point.
I am going to work hard at my job instead of doing my job half ass because I cry all day.
I am going to wear my favorite clothes to work and day to day.. the ones I saved for when we would do something special.
I am going to attend a codenpendcy 12 step group and reach out to those members often.
I am going to try to allow myself to feel the pain when it comes but not drown in it.
I am going to immediately call a friend or post here as soon as I start longing for him and wanting him back so I can be reminded of how lucky i am to be free of him.
I hope I can get the strength that I need here when I am weak.
I am still very very fragile. I walk around my house aimlessly crying and just wanting him to call. I need as much support as I can get to just make it through each day and I am thankful I have found some support here.
If anyone has any other suggestions on how I can keep myself away from him and my thoughts from wanting him then please share.