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I don't think it can ever be the same.

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AlexFL posted 11/2/2013 13:26 PM

I tried to R a couple times. I'm with a serial cheater that doesn't want to be labeled. Sorry. That's what you are. Own it!

Even though I thought we Bad come close to a complete R these last few months, I still never felt relaxed. Still never felt like I could trust him, still had anxiety over it when he would leave or be late.

Sorry but R is bull. It is never the same. You try to feel the same as u once did but you won't.

You may trick yourself into thinking that all is ok and THIS IS GREAT !! We made it!!!

It requires someone to compromise more than the other (usually the betrayed has to do all this little extra things consciously if unconsciously)

Your mind will never be at rest and relaxed as it was prior to the A. Sorry to be a downer. I guess I'm in the anger phase. But I've been there. Tried it.

This year I was taken to an early dinner on my bday - even took the kids out of school early so we could go as a family. How sweet right?
No Later I read his texts that he was trying to schedule a ONS around 6pm so that's the reason for the early dinner. I have value. I respect myself. I'm a very good "catch". Why do I sit here still and wonder about if it's possible to R ???

Undone1 posted 11/2/2013 14:15 PM

You are right...your relationship will never be the same. A betrayal is a total game changer and you have the power to decide if you can do it or not. You are a different person now. You WH is a different person too.

I have been in R for 6 months. The first 6 months, were not what I would call active R. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, or what I could do. Once I had both feet in and was somewhat back in the land of the living, the actual R and healing began.

Healing from this is the hardest thing I have ever done and so many times, we have been close to throwing in the towel. But, at a year, we have had some really good moments and have more open communication than ever before.

If you choose to go your separate ways, you will find someone else who sees the goodness in you. You partners brokenness does not define you and your value!

[This message edited by Undone1 at 2:16 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)]

AlexFL posted 11/2/2013 18:09 PM

We made it thru last time about a year ago. We were recently doing great. Thought it all finally worked out but then it happened again. It's different this time. I care but I don't care...

ionlytalkedtoher posted 11/2/2013 18:13 PM

I'm so sorry. That's horrible.

I think R is possible with some people but I also think not everyone is able to R.

Sounds like your H has to truly hit rock bottom hard and very hard to stop and see what he has.

Clarrissa posted 11/2/2013 19:03 PM

FWS here. Hope that's okay.

Sorry you're going through this but it's so true that it takes two to R. Unless you *both* are working toward the same goal then R will not happen. From the sound of it your WH has little to no interest in repairing the damage he did. And scheduling an ONS *on your birthday*??? That is COMPLETELY f*cked up. I'm pissed for you.

But you're right. You ARE worth more and you DO deserve better

AlexFL posted 11/2/2013 20:17 PM

Idk if he met with anyone on my Bday. He did go out after dinner so in guessing yes but probably a different hook up then the one I read about on the text a few days later.
I don't want to play victim, detective or anything else. I just don't know what to think anymore. I feel like I have changed after I found out this time. I can't explain it. I just really don't know if I feel anything right now.

RightTrack posted 11/2/2013 21:30 PM

It doesn't sound like this is reconciliation at all. He's still cheating and you rightfully don't feel safe. "Sorry but R is bull" sounds like it is 100% true in your case. He is not reconciling and this isn't something you can do on your own. Might be time to cut bait.

Clarrissa posted 11/2/2013 21:49 PM

Alex, it doesn't matter whether he made the hook up or not. The fact is he *planned* to, he *wanted* to. The fact that it was your birthday just makes it that much more f*cked up. YOUR special day and he's planning to have sex with another woman. That, to me, says he really doesn't give two shits about how you feel.

RT is right. This isn't R. It's your WH puting himself first. STILL. Doing whatever the hell he wants regardless of how you feel about it. He doesn't get it or if he does, he doesn't care.

You can't R by yourself and if your WH won't get on board then it's time to cut him loose. Let him see what he's losing. If he steps up, great. If he doesn't then you know where you stand with him.

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