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still fresh.. I am confused and shatterred

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tara1110 posted 11/2/2013 18:10 PM

I found out about my husband's affair 2 days before he was scheduled to come home from deployment. He met a girl overseas and had he affair for 2 weeks with this girl and they are still in contact with each other. The OP knows that he is married with kids ( 1 from his previous marriage prior to me) I just couldn't bare the thought that, just like that, he would turn away from us and be with this girl. We lived together since the DDay until he moved out juat earlier this week. I wanted him to move out a long time ago since I know that seeing him around the house is just making it harder for me. But now that he finally moved out, I feel like the last strand of hope for possibly having R, went out the door with him. He professes his love for the OP on his new FB account how he's so happy that she finally filled this hole in his heart, that he is excited for their future... And so on.... I feel daggers thrown right at my heart when I read this.... I have vowed to myself to stay away from FB because it just makes me feel worse. The most hurtful thing that I saw was when the OP made a collage of their pictures, with my son and our 2 dogs ( and OP's daughter)... Like this is how they envision their future family... I told him to tell the b!tch to take that picture down because she has nothing to do with my son and my dogs....
To this day it still bothers me how he would just turn away from us like that... This man was crying before he left for deployment because he didn't want to leave us... We had small issues in our marriage before but never did I imagine this happening to us... He is scheduled to go back to deployment at the same place and of course to be with her again.

I know it takes time but I feel like he mattered to me now, more than ever in our 7 yrs together ( 5 yrs married, dated for 2 yrs). Is it ok for me to feel this way?

Me BS: 34
H: WS: 28
Dday: 7/24/13 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
Currently separated

Healing2012 posted 11/2/2013 18:39 PM

First of all I am so sorry you find yourself here. So many of us know your pain and we are here for you.

Just so you know, my WH got my DS and the OW's kids together. For play dates at the pool and at her parents' house, etc. He told me about his "friend," but I just assumed it was a dude (I never had reason to not trust him).

Anyway, I know that it seems like you will always feel this way, but I am here to tell you that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get stronger. You will get through this. I can't tell you what your future holds for you and your WH...heck, I don't even know what my future holds, but take this time to do some thinking about YOU.

I know it is difficult to do this at times because it's hard to separate yourself as your own person from who you were with him, I found myself worrying about him and his feelings (which happens to a lot of BSs). Don't beat yourself up for the way you feel. You did nothing wrong and you are in shock.

Take care of yourself. Do you have family or friends you can confide in? I know many of us here would suggest you get some counseling for yourself. This is a difficult thing to deal with and you need the support.

Keep posting. I'm sending you strength as you make your way through this journey. We are here for you.

painfulpast posted 11/2/2013 18:42 PM

I'm so sorry he's putting you through this. What a selfish ass. And her??? Posting a picture of your son? Are you kidding?

He's in the service. Tell his commanding officer. He'll be in a world of trouble for it, and they may pull his deployment there.

tara1110 posted 11/2/2013 19:38 PM

Thank you for your replies. I am currently having counseling right now and it has been helpful talking to a professional about my situation. I am also lucky to have 2 sisters and friends who are very supportive and who are always there to listen to me.

When I first found out about the affair I was livid. When he finally came home, we talked about it and we agreed that we would try to fix things and see what happens, he said he was sorry, he made a mistake and that this woman was nobody to him. The biggest mistake I have done was to call theOW the next day to tell her to back off and that we will try to work things out. That pushed him away from me even more. It was all anger going inside me and I didn't know what I was doing. ( I still don't know what I'm doing) At some point I thought of telling his command since I have his chief's contact number. I chose not to and I warned him that if your command finds out, it will be because your GF is publicizing your illicit relationship on the internet. I've researched some information about adultery in the military and I know for sure that will f*** him over. But because of this stupid feelings I still have for him I juat couldn'I do it. Not to mention that we are in so much debt, our house in FL (under my name) is on short sale. Financially, I am also not ready to move on my own. So on top of all the heartaches he has caused me, I have all these financial worries I am dealing with.I feel stuck and I
just don't know what to do.

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