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what do i do now?

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bns1983 posted 11/3/2013 02:09 AM

I don't even know where to begin really. My ex told me he loved me And i was the only woman he would ever love, he lied. I had suspicions throughout our relationship that he was cheating. I even had proof in the form of explicit emails, but i loved him with everything in me. We have an 18 month old daughter, she was only a month old when i found the emails. He swore that he never actually physically cheated. I don't believe him. Right after my 30th birthday this year he moved in with a friend who is a woman. He told me she was a lesbian in a long term relationship. He lied. Her friend emailed me on July 9th letting me know that he was in a relationship with his roommate and had been for a year. I had just had oral surgery when i read this, so i couldn't quite comprehend it. In a way i still can't. I ended things immediately with a drugged up voicemail. His roommate/girlfriend told me everything. I'm crushed, and angry. Four months later I'm still going through it. The hardest part is missing him so much. How do you make yourself stop loving the person you thought they were? I wish i was still angry, that was easy. Part of me wants to take him back and move forward, but i can't forget everything and i still have bursts of rage over it. I don't know how to move on with my life. I'm so depressed over all this I'm passively suicidal. I don't want to hurt myself, i just want to drop dead naturally. I have 3 kids though, so its not really an option anyway. He has a new girlfriend and tried to hide her from me, but i found out. It brought back all those feelings, like i was being betrayed all over again. I love him and hate him all at the same time. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

crazynot posted 11/3/2013 03:14 AM

(((()))) you have a broken heart, but you've done the right thing by ending it with this guy. And little by little, you'll come back from this dark place you're in. Talk to friends, drink water, eat good food and try not to think too much about anything, just put one foot in front of the other. You've been through the worst now.

Nailinmyforehead posted 11/3/2013 05:37 AM

bns, you have gone through some serious trauma. Check out the healing library in the upper left corner, in yellow. There are some good folks here. You are in my thoughts.

movingforward13 posted 11/3/2013 07:56 AM

You need to file for divorce and get child support. He has moved on and in wig someone else while you are left with all the responsibility of use marriage. Time to accept what he did (since he is too much of a coward to do so) and end things for him. Do not respond to any contact from him unless it is about your child or finances. Don't let him cake eat.

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