Last year on this day I posted on my FB something like this "5 years ago today I married my best friend. I love you so much, happy anniversary"
This post received comments and many likes, and was such a lie. Unbeknownst to those who liked it, it was a lie because I was in the middle of my A.
I think back now to what I wrote and cringe, and think of my poor BH and what it meant to him at the time, and then what it meant to him months later when he discovered my A.
Now a year later, here on SI, I can write the truth.....six years ago today I married my best friend and promised to love, honor, and obey him til death do us part. I broke that promise to him. I promised to honor and love him in front of our family and friends, and broke that promise and ruined his trust.
Today we are not celebrating our six year anniversary because it hasn't really been six years....the last year has been lost because of my lies and my actions. Instead we are looking at it as a new beginning....to start fresh so we can look towards our future together.
I look back at the last year and cannot believe all that has happened....if anyone were to tell me two years ago this is where I would be today I would have laughed in there face and not believed them cuz I never thought I would be this person and would be capable to destroy so much.
I am so grateful to my BH for being the person he is...one that is so much stronger and more forgiving than me. Part of me still thinks I don't deserve someone like him, that I will never be good enough.
But I am also grateful that he has given me the second chance and am going to use it to become the person I once was, and to become the woman he deserves to have.
Even with all the shit that has gone on in the last year and especially since DDay, I would much rather be in the position I am in today rather than the one I was in a year ago.....this place is much more difficult, and is requiring me to learn things I don't want to, and to do lots of things that aren't easy....but at least now I am a safer person than I was a year ago, and am no longer living a lie.
I still have a lot to do to prove to my BH I have changed and am remorseful. But i am so fortunate he has given me the chance to do that.