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Hard time accepting it

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AML04 posted 11/3/2013 14:21 PM

This is not what I wanted to write about but I can't find the words right now.

I know I'm only 5 mos out but I'm still having a hard time accepting that this happened. I can't believe the man I thought my H was would do this to me. It's so hard to wrap my brain around it.

H has no idea how to talk to me about it so he usually doesn't. Maybe this is why I'm having such a hard time with it. We're also coming up on A season so I'm a bit more emotional.

Ugh! This sucks!

toughernow posted 11/3/2013 15:36 PM

Is there someone else that you can talk to?

You are right 5 months in is not a long time when trying to recover from a trauma like this.

Are you in MC? A place where you can safely discuss what has happened?

I am just over one year into R and I don't think that I have fully accepted fWH"s A. I too am at the end of A season and it's true, this time of year can bring increased triggers and thoughts.
Can you share what you are feeling with him?

Sorry I can't give you anything more helpful.


[This message edited by toughernow at 4:15 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)]

AML04 posted 11/3/2013 16:11 PM

Thank you Tougher.

We started in MC but didn't like her at all so we are both in IC only until we find a new therapist. I think that might be our best bet too. He does listen to me and he answers my questions (if he remembers) but he doesn't really add anything if you know what I mean? He also doesn't really know what to do when I'm down or triggering. He sometimes gets aggravated or defensive and that always makes it worse. I think he thinks whatever he says will be wrong so he doesn't try. I just really want him to be more open with me since that was one of our issues pre-A on both sides.

Thank you so much for your response, (((toughernow)))

heforgotme posted 11/3/2013 16:38 PM

It still happens to me too. It is so out of the realm of anything I ever expected, it is still hard to accept that it actually happened.

Sometimes it feels like the Twilight Zone.....

AML04 posted 11/3/2013 17:38 PM

Right???? I would have never in a million years guessed he would do this. I'm sure a lot of people would say the same. I knew something was wrong but I was more worried about him and never saw it coming. I feel like a fool.

mchercheur posted 11/3/2013 17:51 PM


I can't believe the man I thought my H was would do this to me.

Same here.
Doesn't help that he keeps saying "It was just one mistake".
It was a marital tsunami & changed everything for me.

AML04 posted 11/3/2013 18:33 PM

I don't know what I would do if my WH said that but I know what I would want to do!!


I really don't want him to ever feel like this but if I wish I could give him my pain for just one minute, just to actually know what I'm going through.

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