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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: Hard time accepting it
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is not what I wanted to write about but I can't find the words right now.

I know I'm only 5 mos out but I'm still having a hard time accepting that this happened. I can't believe the man I thought my H was would do this to me. It's so hard to wrap my brain around it.

H has no idea how to talk to me about it so he usually doesn't. Maybe this is why I'm having such a hard time with it. We're also coming up on A season so I'm a bit more emotional.

Ugh! This sucks!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
toughernow
♀ 40915
Member # 40915
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there someone else that you can talk to?

You are right 5 months in is not a long time when trying to recover from a trauma like this.

Are you in MC? A place where you can safely discuss what has happened?

I am just over one year into R and I don't think that I have fully accepted fWH"s A. I too am at the end of A season and it's true, this time of year can bring increased triggers and thoughts.
Can you share what you are feeling with him?

Sorry I can't give you anything more helpful.

((((((AML04))))))

[This message edited by toughernow at 4:15 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)]


BS (Me) - 47
WS(Him) -48

Married 23 years - together for 29 years


DDay - June 10th 2012 then TT'd-June 2012 - July 2012 (and beyond????)
2 amazing children

"Understanding love is one of the hardest things in life." - Fred Rogers


Posts: 98 | Registered: Oct 2013
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Tougher.

We started in MC but didn't like her at all so we are both in IC only until we find a new therapist. I think that might be our best bet too. He does listen to me and he answers my questions (if he remembers) but he doesn't really add anything if you know what I mean? He also doesn't really know what to do when I'm down or triggering. He sometimes gets aggravated or defensive and that always makes it worse. I think he thinks whatever he says will be wrong so he doesn't try. I just really want him to be more open with me since that was one of our issues pre-A on both sides.

Thank you so much for your response, (((toughernow)))


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
heforgotme
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It still happens to me too. It is so out of the realm of anything I ever expected, it is still hard to accept that it actually happened.

Sometimes it feels like the Twilight Zone.....


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1085 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right???? I would have never in a million years guessed he would do this. I'm sure a lot of people would say the same. I knew something was wrong but I was more worried about him and never saw it coming. I feel like a fool.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
mchercheur
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((AML04)))

I can't believe the man I thought my H was would do this to me.

Same here.
Doesn't help that he keeps saying "It was just one mistake".
It was a marital tsunami & changed everything for me.


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1445 | Registered: Dec 2012
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what I would do if my WH said that but I know what I would want to do!!

((Mchercheur))

I really don't want him to ever feel like this but if I wish I could give him my pain for just one minute, just to actually know what I'm going through.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 7

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