Jrazz, short version is: I'm a type 1 diabetic, so ongoing kidney damage over most of my life (I'm only 35), preeclampsia during my pregnancy last year, causing high blood pressure that never went away (delivered dd at 32 weeks) post delivery, pregnancy caused further damage and the ongoing high blood pressure has just about put the proverbial nail in the coffin. I've lost almost 75% of my kidney function. I'm doing my best to look after myself and cling onto that last 25% so I don't have to have a transplant or go on dialysis. fWH has been amazing - has been for the entire five months since he confessed on DDay, through everything both emotional and health wise on this journey.
Tushnurse, my gp knows about the A and prescribed the initial anti depressant/anxiety medication. For the longest time I've felt incredibly isolated, as I only told one friend about this - the day after DDay. Other than that, the only people I've had to speak to irl are my psychologist (she's been with us since before the A for three years as IC individually and separately, and now as MC) and my gp. I have friends who know something's very very wrong, but whom I don't feel I can open up to.
In the last two weeks, I've told two other friends and it is the most amazing thing, the release of not holding it all inside. One's H left her on New Year's Day this year and was shacked up with another woman a month later, so most likely cheated on my friend. The other friend has lived this two years ago when her bf cheated. Telling her just happened - she was talking about several things about how she feels/felt, and it was like she was speaking my every emotion and experience since I found out. Amazing. Love having a few more people who know.
I have numerous boxes of stilnox in the medicine cabinet (was a long term insomniac until I weaned myself off them just before I fell pregnant) so sleep is not an issue very often, and am on Avanza for the anxiety.
It's a oft spouted comment, but I hate that it took his A to get our marriage to this point. We are communicating better than ever, working through so much in IC and MC, and in some regards I'm ridiculously happy. But when she creeps into my thoughts or appears on FB, or friends talk about her, I just become a mess.
Maddmurph, go get the meds! It's not worth living like this. We've all been through so much already, that if medication helps us, so be it. This isn't a journey we chose.