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Newest Member: farmgrl (61811)

User Topic: Depression or something else?
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So H and I were talking the other night and he was saying how he feels down. How he relives things and hates himself and thinks about all the things he wishes he could do differently.

He is tired all the time, has a zero sex drive but is trying. He asked me what else he could do to help me, the only thing he kept is his cell phone and I wouldn't ask him to give that up.

I asked him if he is willing to talk to his doctor but he is having rotator cuff issues and said one thing at a time. We were in counseling but can't afford it although we have talked about it again.

I just don't know. :(

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

Posts: 326 | Registered: Jun 2013
♂ 40940
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like it to me, but I'm no doctor. He should mention it when he is at the Dr for his rotor cuff.

Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
♀ 40234
Member # 40234
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he should see his doctor; depression can manifest itself in so many ways as I am learning. Is he having trouble sleeping, eating? Does he forget events in the A timeline? Does he feel worthless, empty, numb? Does he get any pleasure from simple things that he used to do? Has he hurt himself or contemplated suicide? I am going through a similar situation and he has been referred for an assessment, so this could be something that was missed for years and helped his A's continue. Not an excuse but maybe a reason?

[This message edited by DollheartDead at 12:01 PM, November 4th (Monday)]

DDay # 1, Aug 7, 2013
DDay #2, Oct 30, 2013
Married(if you can call it that):12 years in November
Together since 1998, thought I knew him
"You can try to suck me dry, but there's nothing left to suck"

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♂ 27650
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He asked me what else he could do to help me...

He can be someone interesting and fun to be around. He can demonstrate his knowledge of your love languages. He can suffer in silence and quit playing the victim, at least to you. He can continue his work on his childhood issues and bottled up angers and demonstrate sustained change.

He can work at being someone you can rely on to do the right thing. Not just no longer having an A, but doing more than his share of housework, bill paying, yard work, repairs, etc. without any prompting or asking from you.

Money is a common theme in your posts. He can sacrifice some to make more money from the household pot available for you. He could take an additional part time job, especially through the holidays to bring in additional money.

He can take, and demonstrate, responsibility for repairing himself, the marriage, and supporting you in your healing.

dday 10.5.09

Posts: 4173 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 4

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